As far as what Mr.Gel wants from me....from what I, Mr.Gel, and our C think....really he is satisfied. We, I believe, are dealing with something just a tad different than a few of you on here....much of what Mr.Gel and I are dealing with is his past, it's conditioning, it's a lack of confidence sexually on his part, and it's a lack of trust on his part. When I say a lack of trust, I don't mean he doesn't trust ME per-say...I mean he doesn't trust that if he suddenly begins to fulfill my needs that there's not a moving scale on those needs. Part of him (at least this is what our C and I think) believes he doesn't trust that if he starts fulfilling my needs sexually that I won't suddenly turn the tables on him and begin withholding sex from him, out of the lbue....like he's used to other women from his past doing; those women either berated him or completely withheld sex. Now, logically he knows that's not who I am, that's not how I operate...but reprogramming himself the way he reacts to me is really our issue for the most part. Sure, we've had plenty of communication issues too, but we're dealing with those....and have pretty much come to the last thing that we need to deal with....and that is figuring out whe he withholds, emotionally & physically.
Our C believes that he truly is happy in our R and that's where part of our problems lay....he's happy, so he has no real motivation for addressing some of the problems. No motivation that is until I set a very firm boundary of either this is addressed and improved....or I will eventually be gone. Now, he seems to be listening....now, he seems to be making some real efforts....finally. But it did take me getting it through to him that he truly did have something, quite a bit actually, to lose.
