This was a very interesting exchange and has a lot in it for us all to learn from.
Strangely enough, Mrs. Nop, my family does the monkey thing too. H doesn't find my "picking at him" to be an endearing quality so I have had to curb those behaviors.
I have also had to curb my sexual impulses. Curbing my natural impulses with someone I love does make me feel like roomates sometimes. A roomate is someone with whom you have various "lines" drawn around the relationship.
However, I really disagreed with this statement of yours: ___________________________________________________________
Why would we want to equate the marital relationship that Chrissy or I might want as "just roommates"? Sex for me is an extension of the relationship. It isn't the leading component. It isn't the defining component. ___________________________________________________________
The part that I struggle with in this description is assuming that HD people do not see sex as an extention of the R. I certainly do. I have been both LD and HD within two different relationships. I was LD because of the lack of respect AND the lack of intimacy in other areas. As the HD spouse I see sex as the natural extension of the intimacy that we share in other areas. Sex alone absolutely doesn't "do it" for me. Sex with H whom I love, respect, share a life and various intimacies with does it for me.
Sex isn't a leading nor a defining component but having a natural give and take of sexual and non-sexual components of the relationship makes it much richer and more satisfying for me.
