Chrissy, if all my bf wanted from me was sex, I would feel devalued, no question about it. That does seem to be the sitch you are in. That is NOT the sitch I am in. Clearly by bf does value me, and we have a very good life with more shared interests and values than I have ever had with anyone. I can't figure out why there is no sex.

As for my saying that you can't imagine starving... I think you misunderstood me: I'm NOT saying you should be satisfied. Did you hear that? If all your H wants from you is sex, there is NO WAY I would expect you to be satisfied. The sitch you describe is not a healthy, nuturing, growth-supporting sitch. I don't know where you got the idea that I said you should be satisfied with a husband who wants only sex and with whom you share not much else that matters to you. What I meant is that when someone DOES want sex from you all the time, to the extent that it becomes a nuisance to you, and only reminds you of all the other aspects of your R that are lacking, it might be hard to imagine how you would feel about yourself if they stopped wanting even that from you.

You say you have no respect for your H. In that case, were he to stop desiring you, it might very well have no effect at all on you.

But I wanted to go back to something Mrs. NOP said that has really gotten me thinking. I don't have her post up on the screen in front of me so I'll do my best to paraphrase it-- she said that there are things that the LD person wants as much as the HD person wants sex and the lack of these things hurts the LD person as much as the lack of sex hurts the HD person.

This is making me wonder what my bf wants from me that I am not "delivering." Not that I expect that if I started "delivering" whatever it is, he would suddenly want sex... and "delivering" is a bad word, because it is so product-oriented... but I wonder how he is hurting because of something I'm doing or not doing in the same way I'm hurting because of his not reaching out to me sexually?

As I've said before (ad nauseam), I'm pretty satisfied with the R in general. We share stuff and are connected in values and lifestyle things in a way that I haven't been with anyone else. I'm assuming he feels the same way, and that he's not "withholding sex" as a way of punishing me or leveraging some other behavior that he wants to see from me. He seems really happy-- happier than he's ever been.

And then-- in that way I have -- I start speculating... what is it that Mrs. GGB wants, and Mrs. Hairdog, and Mr. GEL, and Mr Karen, and Mr. Honeypot, and Mrs. Lou, and Mrs. IHJ-- in what way are these LD spouses hurting and wishing that their spouse would "come through for them"? (Well, we know that Mrs. Lou just wants Lou to sell all the stuff in the garage on eBay. )

I wonder how I'm hurting him and letting him down all the while I'm focusing on my own hurt?