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But in all fairness I cannot tell him what I need of him. I can say what I want of him and don't want of him but need is so much bigger and I am at a dead blank there. I just cannot seem to truely define what my love language is for him to speak to me in. If I was to say WOA then his telling me I am pretty would be in my love language. It is not no gushy feelings come from knowing my H finds me pretty. But if I was to say that WOA were not important that is incorrect also I want my H to tell me he finds me smart and witty and funny that is important to me. If I am to say PT is important to me then deep throat kissing and sexual desire should fill my love tank but they don't. Yet if I say that PT is not important to me it seems decieving also because I like and crave touching that does not come from sexual desire and feel loved from this. So it is all becomes so dam confusing. That even I don't know what I want.



The Five Love Languages points out that there are several "dialects" in each category.

I have some quirks in mine that sound similar to yours. Telling me I'm beautiful when I'm naked in bed doesn't mean as much to me as telling me I'm beautiful when I'm all "doodied" up to go somewhere. Part of it may be because naked in bed is heading toward NOP's primary LL, so telling me there is under that category. Telling me when we aren't in bed means more to me.

I find that telling me "You're funny or you have a good sense of humor" doesn't mean as much to me as telling me "You make me laugh". Making it even better is telling me "Your sense of humor can really help me when I'm feeling down. It seems that I can count on you to strike just the right note of humor and sensitivity that makes my day more pleasant." I don't want to necessarily hear compliments as much as I want to hear how *my* qualities impacts his life.

On physical touch - I come from a family of "babooners". I bet most of you have seen the documentary flicks of baboons sitting close to each other combing hair with fingers, scratching an itch for someone else and picking off nits. (However, my family did not have nits... ) There's probably some sort of subliminal bonding that goes on. That's my idea of physical touch - NOP will tolerate my babooning him - with eyes squinted and feet twitching for a quick get-away. Reciprocal babooning just doesn't come natural.

My quality time desires are geared more toward activities together. I don't really seek a "let's sit on the couch, look deeply into each other's eyes and tell deep things about ourselves" sort of gal. Although I know that's really big for many women.

Acts of service - it means more to me for NOP to work *with* me on the housework as opposed to more random acts. And timing on AOS means a lot. I'm probably off the scale on AOS to others. Sitting down and being waited on by others is nigh impossible for me. It's very hard for me to ask others to do anything for me. Any whiff of "not right now" irritation or the sense that I have imposed in some way when I do manage to eak out a request, will result in a full collapse of the love-bank monetary system.

The point is, *you* get to define what speaks to you, nourishes your soul, and which if provided by your husband pulls your heart closer to him. It doesn't have to exactly fit into certain parameters.

MrsNOP -