You know, if you ask someone a question, it presumes that you're actually interested in the response.
Quote: Chrissy, you said earlier that your self esteem derives in no way from your H's sexual desire for you. But you have an H who pursues you for sex a lot, so how do you know your self esteem is in no way connected to that? You say that if he stopped pursuing you sexually it would not harm your self esteem at all... but I question that. I think you might very well have the reaction that Jen is describing. Same with you, Mrs. NOP. You two are in a grocery store full of food, you are satiated, even stuffed, and you cannot imagine what it is to starve... to long to look at your partner and hope so badly see that twinkle in his eye, whether or not he reaches for you physically.
It's easy to say sex doesn't matter when you're having it every day/twice a week.
You don't speak for me. I speak for me.
Jen spoke her answer. I can understand her answer. I would not presume for a moment to attempt to tell her she was wrong. Or mistaken. Or she was just Xing because of Y. Because it is her assessment of her life and her situation. Who am I to discount it? Or disagree with it?
That you had to strive for someone, anyone (and pardon me, Jen, your opinion is just as legitimate as mine. I am not trying to negate it or its truth), to substantiate your opinion, and then use that one opinion to discount two other opinions, lets me know that you weren't seeking opinions. Or truth. Or understanding.
You were seeking to have your already-established-therefore-must-be-true opinion supported.
Okay. You're right. I don't know myself. Neither does Chrissy. Because we don't substantiate your "point".
I'll tell you what it proves to me.
That you can't grok the idea that there are people in relationships that are longing, crying, praying, seeking, trying to tell their significant someone that *they* have desires too. Desires that they want to be met by their spouse. Desires that may not be dressed up in sexual overtones, or tricked out in horniness. They hunger. And long.
And that to those people, they ARE in a marriage. They are a spouse. They are longing for intimacy. They aren't frickin' "roommates".
That they are desperately hoping that the HD spouse will hear them. And work with them *whether or not they understand or agree*.
You don't know what I have "starved" for, "longed" for or "hoped" for.
Sexually starved people do not have the market on unrequited marital needs.
Quote: This is exactly what I was getting at, and a million zillion thanks for understanding what I was getting at.
I understood your point. I just didn't agree with it.
That's a fairly common relational fallacy - that if someone just understood then they would agree. So, therefore if they disagree with *you* then they must just not *understand* .
You have a nasty habit of discounting someone because "they are just saying X because of Y".
We did go through long periods of time where there was no sexual interaction. I said what I said because it is what I have lived. What I know about myself. So your assessment of "you're just saying X because of Y" is in error.
