Quote: What is it that a LD does for their spouse/relationship that they do not do with anyone else, that morally/ethically/religously can ONLY be done with their spouse?
But this is a setup similar to "have you stopped beating your wife". You've already limited the parameters of what constitutes "special to spouses only". And your proscribed limitation can only be satisfied by sex.
I wanted NOP to take joy in being with me.
Me when we were out camping.
Me when we were out for dinner.
Me in a crowd.
Me at a concert.
I wanted to see him not only occasionally give up the fishing trip, but have a great time going with *me* to the zoo, or a concert.
I wanted to see grins of pleasure aimed in my direction when we were together - that we were together! I didn't want it based on whether or not it was something he would have chosen for his spare time.
I could have done all of those things with someone else - but I wanted to do them with NOP. No one else was capable of meeting what I wanted to have with my husband. To keep limiting this to sex only is to miss it. And the few times I did do some of these things with groups, I was always *painfully* aware that NOP wasn't there and apparently my being there wasn't enough of a draw to him.
I'm not saying that my situation was/is different. But you know sometimes going out to dinner with your spouse isn't always about eating. Evidently recreational companionship is a biggy on my wanta meter. Even *I* think it sounds goofy. I can only figure that it comes from a childhood that was devoid of such and a deep longing was created.
Pursuing that need outside of my husband would have made me emotionally detach even more than I did and would have left me possibly vulnerable to my travelling companions.
In other words, spouses who have needs/desires (even outside the sexual) who are left to pursue those needs/desires (even though society sanctions them as not being limited to a marital relationship) are spouses who will be investing emotional energy outside of their marriage and who will be vulnerable to extramarital affairs.
That would probably help explain why LD spouses are just as inclined to have affairs as are HDs.
