Yes, H does seem to need to at least have the feeling of being in control.
Quality time on my terms- seldom. Example: we went out for dinner tonight. Could be a good chance for quality time, right? He stayed spaced out, and watched the TV monitors with almost no conversation. I finally asked if he would act the same way if we were dating. He didn't give an appropriate reply. He did admit to being tired. Then, I suggested he should get a relationship coach! He took it as a joke, so things were OK.
The only times conversation is not focused about him are the times we talk about the kids, or in the almost never category of R talks. Then, he almost flat out refuses to discuss himself. We had one of those last night- I confronted him.
If I didn't mention it earlier, the reason he cooks is because he gets done with work before I do. He gets off at 2:15 (seldom coming home before 5:30), while I get off at 7:15 (and get home by 7:25). He is a good cook, but calls me almost daily, because he wants to know what I want for dinner. I have often told him what I really want is to not have to decide what to have for dinner.
When he asks where I want to go, and I say, "it's up to you"- I really do mean it.
The marital glue has just about totally dissolved. Or, was it the kids? Two are out of the house and married, one leaves for boot camp in 19 days, and the other uses the house as a "s***, shower and shave stop".
Last night, he grudgingly discussed parts of our problem. However, there were also periods of him blankly staring at me, while I was biting my tongue, waiting for him to open up even a tiny bit. The content of the talk is an entire post, which I may not get into here at this time.
If you are interested, and there is still a way, maybe we could go in depth with PM on the topics, as we seem to be in a similar place at this point in time.
What I would really like is for him to be my confidant, and me to be his. He is loath to do this, as he has frequently shown by his actions.
