It’s been a good weekend full of AOS and QT. They are definitely tied together for the two of us to the extreme that I wonder why they each became a separate Love Language. We painted. We talked. We worked out issues with the room, we talked casual, then intimate, then casual, etc. What was quality time for her, even though I was doing AOS became QT for me as well.
I explored the results of her 5LL questionnaire by asking her if she had to narrow her even score across five categories to the three that seemed most important to her what the three would be. Numbers 1 & 2 were very easy for her since we were living them in the moment, AOS and QT. The number 3 choice ended up being a tie, which I accepted since originally all five were a tie, PT and WOA. I presented an example to her that lead to the tie. “Honey, the kitchen looks great; thank you so much”….I would say as I gave her a long hug. So I’m slightly off the hook for that gift giving that I’m struggling with!
When I brought up the 5LL questionnaire this weekend, she mentioned that she had already seen her “next assignment”, the 10 Intimacy Statements. I told her to not rush into those quite yet, and then we explored the top three as disclosed above. Throughout the weekend we talked and worked on all sorts of stuff. The work was mostly BR related. The talk was more diverse, but with a bias on my part towards R topics.
On Sunday, once my BR tasks were complete, I started working on our dinner. As I did so, I brought out the 10 IS. Now I know that men don’t multitask that well, but I gave it a try. While I chopped up all the fresh veggies for our salad, I went over the choices for myself and for her. This sounds terrible, like I didn’t take it seriously at all and was just doing it to get it over with, but no…….., I AM the HD person here who’s hoping to get the most from this, so I managed to chop and think at the same time.
For myself, I chose Acceptance, because I feel that I have a lot to reveal about myself to her even though we’ve been married almost 28 years. I mean we’re talking about not revealing squat for years and years! (We even talked about living as strangers to each other this weekend.) Affection, the closest choice to the 5LL of Physical Touch; and Comfort, cause gosh darn it, when I’m hurting, I wish she’d step up to the plate and help me. I guess I internalize my pain too quietly; I’m not a good actor.
For her, I chose Acceptance, because she acts so mysteriously, it’s like she’s afraid to reveal her true self to me, we are so alike in this way; Appreciation, because she has a strong need to be recognized for the great things she does; and finally Support, because there aren’t too many things she does by herself that she doesn’t end up asking for my help with, not just ego tripping here, really.
When the evening came, all four of us had dinner together; it was very nice, possibly the last dinner we all eat together before D23 and S19 go back to college. Afterwards, W and I took our dog for a walk/run in the fields behind our house. I took along our 10 IS papers, feeling good about completing them and wanting to share. I waited until there was a pause in the dog’s activity and brought up the subject. (Keep in mind our pooch might disappear for 15 minutes or so, then reappear.) The response to my bringing up the 10 IS was “not now, I’ve done enough R sharing for today.” I accepted that. Then I got quiet for a moment, then, I counted my blessings for all of the R sharing we did accomplish over this weekend. I backed off, and will do so until another day. I don’t want to ruin what we did have by asking for too much. Little steps, little steps.
It was the best R weekend in a long, long time. The best sex weekend in a long, long time is still something that I look forward to. In the mean time, I am truly enjoying the great R progress that we made this weekend.
