GEL: Here's your whole post from back in June. I think it's worthy of a re-read here....
Quote: My LDH and I have been discussing a questionnaire that our C gave us...I thought some of you might find it helpful as well. The idea behind this is for you to pick your top 3 intimacy needs....and then pick what you think your spouse's top 3 are as well. If your spouse (or SO) is receptive, ask them to fill it out just as you have as well.
The idea behind this is to compare what each of you have once you've filled this out.....then discuss specifically what you feel goes into your top 3 and your SO's top 3 from each person's POV.
My LDH and I found this pretty helpful so far. I honestly found myself staring at these questions for an hour, trying to honestly answer them for myself....because many of them are very similar, but there are subtle differences. This was not easy homework....but it was nice to know that (for us) we actually have gotten to know each other pretty well. I managed to peg my LDH on-the-money on his top 3 needs, and he got 2 out of 3 on me....but I understood why he picked one I did not...as it was very nearly the same.
Here are the 10 Intimacy Needs....
GEL __________________________________________________________
Acceptance - receiving another person wilingly and unconditionally, especially when the other's behavior has been imperfect; being willing to continue loving another in spite of offenses.
Affection - Expressing care and closeness through non-sexual physical touch, carefully respecting the boundaries of the other person; saying, "I love you".
Appreciation - Expressing thanks, praise or commendation; recognizing accomplishment or effort.
Approval (Blessing) - Building up or affirming another, affirming both the fact of andthe importance of a relationship.
Attention - Conveying appropriate interest, concern, and care; taking thought of another; entering another's "world".
Comfort - Responding to a hurting person with words, feelings, and touch; to hurt with and for another's grief or pain.
Encouragement - Urging another to persist and persevere toward a goal; stimulating toward love and good deeds.
Respect Valuing and regarding another highly; treating another as important; honoring another.
Security (Peace) - Harmony in relationshps; freedom from fear or threat of harm.
Support - Coming alongside and gently helping with a problem or struggle; providing appropriate assistance.
I am going to print this out and use it as part of what I consider to be quality time this coming weekend.
I am also intrigued by your comment that she might not have given it enough consideration if she completed it in 10 minutes or so. I didn't really consider it that way because we were sharing a very leasurely vacation day without any high importance items on our agenda. Besides that, professionally, she processes information for a living.
When we do this next exercise, I will stress taking her time. Thanks for the questionaire and your insights.
