Am working on a letter of my own. Can't wait to see how yours turns out. the time does mean that he certainly has not made up his mind and he is thinking quite a lot. Don't you think?
I missed a call from H last night. He didn't leave a message and I didn't call him back.
I think I'm scared to hear what he has to say. At least while I don't know - there is hope. Taking hope away might be like taking away the crutch I've been walking with for 10 months and I could tumble over and not be able to get back up ....
Owhhhhhhhhhhh
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
If I have got to know anything about you at all, I know that whatever the outcome, you will pick yourself up and walk tall. Have some faith in yourself... H IS being drawn back, is he ready to admit it yet? That's the only thing we will learn from his reply.
I am so sorry that this did not turn out how you wanted. I am even more sorry that you H was so callous in his response to you. Maybe he will give you a more rounded reply in a day or two. Until then sit back some breath slowly and cry. Let it out. Only then when you are in a better mindset decide where to go from here. Again I am so sorry. But you are stronge you will get through this and something good will come of it all.
Where do the WAS's leave their brains and their hearts!?! With the aliens??? Packed in a box with other useless junk to give to Oxfam???
"Eerr. No thanks."!!!!
Doesn't he remember that he has been drinking in the pub next door just to be close to you???
Cry, girl, cry it all out. But remember, this only means he is not ready to admit to himself that he wants to work on this R. He is still maintaining contact and still wants to you to connect, so you haven't scared him off... You will just need to be as patient as you have been teaching us to be for a little while longer...
WB, Honey I am so sorry. H's response seems pretty indicative that the aliens still have control over him. Maybe this is the time to go dark for a while. Reclaim your self. Look at what you want from life. And move forward.
Don't contact him unless it is something you feel comfortable with. Let the machine/voicemail take your calls for a while. Cry your heart out, and let it all out. This is a lot of stuff to put up with all those months.
I do think there are positives still in your R. But obviously the aliens still have a large hold on your H. In your heart ask yourself is this how H would have replied to you if he was the man he was before this all started? If the answer is no, then you know you are still dealing with alien forces.
Remember to breath. Take care, and come here to vent, vent, vent.
Oh WB! I'm so sorry for H's cold response to your heartfelt letter. I feel for you. So scary to put yourself on the line like you bravely did. And at least you'd hope to hear a maybe, or I still don't know. Seems like his response was awkward though, possibly meaning he's not comfortable with his reply.
I hope you don't feel I'm being as unfeeling as a stone, but instead of focusing H's response as a negative, see it as you having tested the WAS waters, and right now, they're not receptive. What does that mean? It means that time and circumstances haven't come together to give you the results you want yet. So what to do with that? Well, don't create these kinds of situations where you may not get the answers you want. But have no expectations and more patience instead. Don't put the issue to him, He's a WAS!!! WASs act notoriously like WASs and his answer wouldn't be unusual for a WAS!
A customer comes into your Widget store where you're a salesperson. You tell them that it would be great for them to buy the XYZ brand widget, but they've had the XYZ brand widget and don't want it. Do you think if you put it forth as a consideration for them that they'll change their mind? Not likely... instead you have to think like the customer does, from their viewpoint.
Right now, your "customer", your WAH, has been hurt by you, doesn't trust you, and living with someone else. That's a lot of obstacles to surmount for him to come back, but not unusual. Unlike you, he hasn't been alone so as to delve inside himself; he's got a human panacea to divert him. Yet, he's told you that, fundamentally, that relationship is a disaster to some degree. It could very well be that it fizzles in time.
Use that time to keep on course with DBing. And one more thought harking back to my last paragraph about understanding his viewpoint: His trust was broken. It needs to have a sense that it can be restored. Words alone can't do that fully. But words can wound. Were my WAW to write me and say anything like, "I'm going to be OK if [reconciling] doesn't happen. I know that I'm fine and my future is bright and truth be told I'm looking forward to a new beginning", then I'd get the impression that she can take or leave it, and that wouldn't sound like commitment to me.
Please don't take that to mean I'm kicking you when you're down.
Be loving. Be understanding of his hurt. Time is needed for any lingering resentment to cool off and things to change.
