I've started to write this about 4 times over the past few days and I just kind of fade out when I start to write/think what is going on with me. I just don't know.

I've been pretty sick which I guess puts a bit of a downer on everything.

H called regularly last week. Just talk about the refugees, the kids, $$. Still no mention of the house - which is starting to worry me because if all goes according to the last plan I need to have a new house to move into by 6 January so I need to get moving. It's strange that I can't even bring myself to have a conversation that important with the man I used to share everything with. I'm so in the DB swing that I feel as though bringing up the sale of the house would be "pressuring" him. I'll give it another week or so.

My step-daughter came back from the snow and has been staying with us. RFD16 is spending the weekend here too. Refugee Mum got a rush of blood to her head last week and has decided she wants to move to Perth (she has all the characterists of a WAW - she's unhappy so she thinks she's going to be more happy moving somewhere else). RFD16 is in Yr 11 and next year will be her final year of highschool. Her psychologist says moving now would be the worst thing in the world for her - so the current thinking is that she would stay here and live with me. I don't know how I feel about that.

In Dodgers posts he's been talking about his counsellor saying that there may be some "breakthrough" with XW. She may try to initiate a R talk or have physical contact. I think that is what has been happening with H. The "kiss" a few weeks ago, the invasion of my personal space at the Yr 7 induction night, the regular calls. But he is still well and truely with OP.

In some ways its hard having my stepdaughter here because she is more open about her fathers activities than the boys are and she'll regularly speak about H and OP. It's better when I don't know what they are doing and they are not in my headspace.

Last night RFD, stepdaughter and youngest step son all went out with H (I was still in bed coughing and spluttering) and OP wasn't there. So that's something I suppose. They didn't get home until 2am - so they had a big night.

I'm going out with B for boyfriend tonight. That's another little issue. He is far more into it than I am and I'm worried about the potential to break his unblemished little heart. He's so sweet - but the timing is all wrong for me.

I guess I'm just tired. Tired of waiting, tired of caring, tired of looking after so many bloody teenagers and young adults, tired of wondering what tomorrow is going to bring. Tired of my sad sack attitude. I'm sure tomorrow will be a better day.

V

Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.