OK - I've figured out I've been missing a vital clue that H has been giving me about the thing that we have in common that he wants us to bond over. It's the refugees.

Last night he called me at about 6pm to say that refugee foster daughter (rfd16) wanted to go to a party last night (she's on school holidays), but needed a lift home at 10 and could I get one of the boys to do it because he was going to be meeting his brother in law who was in town for the night. He could have called the boys (they are his sons after all), but he called me. I said no problem and went about arranging it.

The interesting thing is though that when I left to pick her up, H was at the tennis court next door playing tennis with a work colleage - he must have been meeting his brother in law later - or had earlier - I don't know ... it was weird.

The other thing I've been wondering is, how statistically accurate is the most affairs end in 6 months to 2 years?

H has been seeing the OP for 9 months and they've lived together for almost 6 months. He doesn't seem to be spending a lot of time with her though. He's often at the pub next door to our house, he spent heaps of the weekend doing jobs at my place (although I wasn't home most of the time so didn't know until afterwards), he's playing tennis with his colleague on a Tuesday night ... maybe the gloss is wearing off???

Maybe I'm holding out faint hope???

Anyway I'm going to take the hint for a little while and see what happens. RFD13, the younger sister has been accepted to a private school on a scholarship and there's an information session next Tuesday night. I was just going to take her and her mum, but I'm going to ask H if he wants to come as well - he's been doing a lot of the leg work to get her in, so he might be pleased to join us.

I also realised that one of the things that contributed to me leaving was my jealousy over how involved he became with the refugee family. Like, it had been my passion to get them out of detention, but when they came to live with us he coped with it 1000 times better than I did and that p!$$ed me off (yeah I know - my insecurities ). But when I look at it from his point of view, he was really just doing his best to support my crusade - and not only that, even through this disgusting year he has continued to - and dragged the long suffering OP (who I know has absolutely no interest in the refugee family) along with him .

I've got some things to think about here.

V

Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.