Not a bad idea actually. A few months ago I had to go to the USA for work for a few weeks, we were separated and he was with OP, but because it was a long trip and I had a lot of luggage I asked H to take me to the airport - which he did without question - then he offered to pick me up when I got home which I accepted. I didn't think much about it until now, but your right. I'll have to check my diary to see when my next trip is ...
Journalling
I've just spent a v. nice weekend GAL. I went on a girls weekend away with 8 other women, 3 dozen bottles of good wine and a heap of board games, cards and novels (I read a fantastic novel (novella really) - The Alchemist, by Paulo Coelho - about a boy looking for and finding his Personal Legend and trusting the signs the universe sends you. It's about the importance of listening to your heart). It was v. good for my soul to get away from the city and really spend some time with other women (mothers) without children, husbands, signficant others, bosses, parents etc etc. I can strongly recommend it for building and keeping a PMA.
As I suspected there was signficant interest in my situation and lots of advice to be shared. I've decided that everyone has a view based on their own experience and that doesn't necessarily translate to my personal experience and I really have to listen to my heart to be sure I'm making the right decisions for me.
There is another woman in our group who has been separated for 18 months who came with the news that she and her XH are talking about reconciling. Basically she had an affair, it ended but her h found out about it and they broke up, she then had a relationship for a couple of months with the affair man but they weren't compatible broke up - same old same old... BUT, she and XH were both invited to a mutual friends wedding in the UK in March of this year which they attended (separately), but ended up spending time there together and did some travelling with each other, remembered what they liked about each other and now are thinking about getting back together - or at least being mates again. Interestingly she and I not only share a similar sitch, but the same birthday (that bl@@dy saturn conjunction for the last 2 years in Cancer I reckon!!) We agreed that there is wisdom in the old adage that it always darkest before the dawn.
I last spoke to H last Thursday when we went to the accountant together (which was a very friendly, upbeat excursion). He left a message on the machine that I heard when I got in this afternoon that he was leaving his car for my step son to use today and he'll pick it up tomorrow morning. Weird?
So nothing to report - I'm practicing patients, getting a life, listening to my heart .... there's a lot to remember!!
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
My sister-in-law called last night to tell me that her brother (and Hs brother) is in Australia for a couple of weeks and is coming to Canberra on Thursday and H mentioned that he could stay at my house. Now I kind of knew about this because H mentioned it last week, but I didn't know it was this week and I didn't know it was a fait accompli.
My husband's family have been a big contributor to the problems that we've had. He has 4 sisters who all live in this city, a mother who is manic and this brother who usually lives in the UK. His father died mid last year and none of them have really recovered from that, but they were all pretty scary before then anyway (deceased father was the only sane thing holding them together). There is a lot of jealousy and pettiness that I could never understand, but nevertheless wore me down.
I guess what got me about the phone call last night was that it reminded me of how it's always about them and it's always offered up like I have no choice. They are coming and I will put them up. Like she could have at least asked me if I minded???
The flip side is that my step sons are very excited their uncle is coming and very pleased that he's staying with us. He has been really good to them when they've travelled in Europe and they are close.
Nevertheless, I'm going to take a deep breath and use this visit as a great opportunity to DB. I'm going to welcome brother in law with open arms, be happy, confident, at peace. H will no doubt spend time at the house while his brother is here and that will give me a chance to fill the house with great smells and happy feelings.=
Germaine Greer would string me up. What am I doing?
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
Quote: Nevertheless, I'm going to take a deep breath and use this visit as a great opportunity to DB. I'm going to welcome brother in law with open arms, be happy, confident, at peace. H will no doubt spend time at the house while his brother is here and that will give me a chance to fill the house with great smells and happy feelings
WB, that is the only thing, and the exact thing, you can and should do. Remember, you are ATTRACTING! Good luck!
H left a voice mail this morning to tell me that he'd heard from the school where we are trying to enrol a refugee girl who we sponser that they'd accepted her. It was good news and it was a nice message.
I was busy all morning and didn't call him back until lunch time. His phone went to voice mail and I left a chatty message - happy about the school and letting him know sister-in-law had called last night to tell me brother arriving thursday.
Now this is the amazing thing - he called back immediately. Normally he wouldn't have called back until the end of the day or tomorrow, but he rang within minutes of me leaving the message.
We chatted, it was good. I was bubbly, he sounded a bit flat (does that happen to anyone else? - when I'm up he's down, when he's up - I feel upset??) I signed off first. It's not much, but it's a baby step.
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
Quote: when I'm up he's down, when he's up - I feel upset??)
I know that I tend to get down after I talk to W and she is up. I think it's because I am expecting (and hoping?) that she is always down. I mean, how could she not be down when she doesn't have me?
WB, I wouldn't put too much into it, you just keep staying up!
Yep, XH and I are like that alot too. I'm happy, he seems to try to be even more unhappy, when I'm not to up, he seems to try to be extra happy. Or maybe he's not trying, maybe he really is. Or maybe I'm just extra sensitive?
As for the family visit, use DB on them. My sister has horrible mood swings and we normally can't spend more than a few hours together before she goes off the deepend. Last time we got together and she started getting moody, I said, why not and used my DB lessons on her. With in 15 minutes her mood pasted and we ended up having a great day together. Good luck with yours!
I have read your posts on some other threads and have to say thanks for the insight into a WAW. I am struggling with making contact. Question Did you want your H to keep contact with you? I went dark for 21 days and I did hear that W asking friends if they heard from me and seemed upset that I hadn't called. Thing is she had promised to call me and never did. Did finally leave a short cheery message on D25 and did mention wanting to close account by mother hadn't called me back. So I don't know when she did call if she called on her own or because D25 told her she better call. How much contact initated by me would just be showing friendship and not pursuing? I haven't seen her since July 17th. My thread http://www.divorcebusting.com/ubbthreads/newreply.php?Cat=&Board=UBB2&Number=957721&page=0&view=collapsed&what=showflat&sb=5&o=31&fpart=all&vc=1
I think it would be a good idea to give her a brief, chatty phone call. Sounds like she's waiting for you to give a little bit of chase ...
Remember though, no relationship talk, no sad-sack talk. Be happy, be fun, laugh, let her know you are OK. You never know, she might start thinking about what she's missing.
When I first left home my husband used to pick me up to go to the markets with a disadvantaged family that we support. It was really nice, he'd just call me on Saturday morning and say "I'm taking XX to the market this morning, want to come?" I always agreed because it was low pressure, familiar and I usually didn't have anything better to do (it's not all beer and skittles being a WAW you know!!).
Good luck. I'll check out your thread.
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
WalkingBack, thanks for dropping in on my thread. It's good to see another Aussie on the BB, although I am up the other end in Cairns. (I have a brother working in chilly Canberra though, and actually sent S13 down last holidays to the snow). It is interesting to hear your insights into being a WAW. It helps a little in trying to understand my WAH (who is I think in MLC). I agree that having your brother-in-law visit is a great opportunity, especially when all the fun things you do get back to H . It may make him realise what he is missing out on, which has to be a good thing.
Hey WB, how are you doing down under? Is your I/L family visit going well? I, and all of us, hope so.
Quote: I honestly thought I'd be happy if I could just move out and be on my own. I didn't understand then that since my depression and "issues" were of my making, I'd be taking them with me and I'd be just as miserable, if not more so, when I was living alone with them.
Your reply to me a few days ago brought up a few more questions on my part. At what point did you realize that the depression and issues were of your making. Was there some huge epiphany or did you just wake up one morning feeling different.
Regarding you feeling like you would just be happy if…I know you have followed my sitch and feel somewhat connected to the feelings of my WAW. My theory is that she too is chasing happiness. At first she thought the A would bring her happiness, then moving out would, then filing for D would; now it is if only she could get into her own house, that will bring her happiness.
We both (all) know that will not be the case. I am just hoping she will realize this before the D goes through and things get too out of hand.
Anyway, when you have a chance between entertaining all those family members (and doing so with a big DB smile on your face ), let us know what you think and more importantly, how you are doing.
Normally he wouldn't have called back until the end of the day or tomorrow, but he rang within minutes of me leaving the message. 
. It may make him realise what he is missing out on, which has to be a good thing.