I was thinking that Andy would return another day, and not immediately like Wez thought. I got a text from him saying he couldn't get a babysitter but he would make plans with me tomorrow night, and then signed with a kiss.
So he obviously planned to return that evening when he said 'I'm coming back'.
I sent him a text message back, asking if he was single. He didn't reply, so I felt quite upset. He responded later and said we would meet up to discuss it.
The following day, there was a knock at the door and my girls were standing there! This was a shock as I wasn't expecting a visit. We put 'Garfield the Movie' on for them and went to talk in another room.
Andy told me he was single but still in the process of 'extracting himself' from his previous R. I asked him what that meant. He said he hadn't told her yet because he was worried how she and her two kids would take it. I asked him if he had any intention of telling her. He said yes, in his own time. I asked him if he was sleeping with her and warned him not to sleep with her.
He said he hadn't slept with her since things started getting friendlier between us and wasn't planning on sleeping with her. I said good, because if he's serious about loving me, he can't keep on with her. He said 'obviously.'
We ended up in bed and that was a very different experience to what I am used to. Both silent, and he was very aggressive sexually and did a couple of things that took me by surprise. It was almost too directional and too assertive for me, I like it more romantic than that. I didn't feel I could be myself either. But I guess a lot has happened to us.
He said 'I love you' to me again afterwards, which was really sweet as it was the first time he said it in person (apart from that time in March, but he was having an 'O' when he said it then, so that doesn't count, surely!?). This ILY seemed more genuine.
He spoilt it a bit afterwards by having an R talk and insisting on bringing up negatives, like he said he didn't want me to hold these 2 OW against him and for us to argue about it in the R all the time. I told him that since he is leaving OW2 and as long as he doesn't sleep with other women whilst with me, I have nothing to argue about.
He said he didn't like our M because it was always passionately explosive sex and passionately explosive arguments. I said 'What's wrong with passionately explosive sex?' He said 'Nothing; I liked that, it's the arguments I am worried about.' He said he was worried if we got back together, we would f**k like minks one day and then fight like boxers next. I admit, I did have a temper in those days, courtesy of my Greek blood. It took a lot to make me angry, but when I was, it was like the explosion of the atom bomb.
I have worked hard over the years to become more moderate, more 'English' on that front.
I told him that was in the past, we have just ML, and we should now concentrate on the future like he said.
It was a really awkward convo, as he doesn't know DB'ing and thinks to solve problems you must talk about them, which is my opinion is a R killer. I suggested to him that focusing on positives was more productive.
I ended up in tears through this convo but it didn't seem to put him off.
We agreed not to ML again until he has told OW2.
I had some WAW type feelings for a couple of days - I think from the exhaustion of DB'ing and the complexity of my sitch, but these are passing now and I'm feeling a bit brighter.
I have found out who OW2 is. I know her full name and address and phone number, and I know she takes her children to the steiner school I take DD4 to (we go to a toddler group there, in the same place).
My best female friend is a class teacher there and knows her. My best friend also knows I am seeing Andy again, I tell her everything. So pretty soon OW2 will know - we are in the same community. Her house is only 2 miles from mine. I have decided after a few weeks, if Andy hasn't told her, I will tell her myself.
First I will give him chance to do the right thing. At least he's not sleeping with her anymore.
I have been through all the emotions one can feel over the last few days, and nearly wrecked the DB'ing by phoning him once, in tears from tiredness. He tried to cheer me up by saying I can make up for lost time with DD's now. I wish I hadn't called him though, it's just pressure.
Then today he and DD's came over and stayed about 5 hours. He brought round a new keyboard for the computer which I paid him for and helped me fix the computer problems. The girls played and DD2 was sat reading books for nearly the whole time. I have never seen her concentrate like that before.
They completely trashed my house again
There was a DVD in the computer and in the DVD player, so Andy asked why I had 2 on at once, and joked what on earth was I doing to need 2 films on at the same time? I played along with the joke and said I needed the volume up loud because I was busy (wink wink). He asked me what was I doing. I said I'd leave that up to his imagination!
Then I changed the subject and asked what his plans were for his birthday (he is 31 in a few weeks). I have decided this time around to be more assertive and less afraid of initiating as then I think he will respect me more if I am not afraid of him and if I am telling him what I need/want etc. I cannot do the chase and then back away dance forever; this time I am going to follow him if he tries to back away. The chase will have to end somewhere.
I could tell he was a little scared of me initiating holding his hand, but he didn't pull away, and he told me he wanted a Celtic Cross (a silver one) for his birthday. Oooh, jewellery! I am going to get looking for one now. This is rather momentous for me as I bought him a Gold chain when we got engaged, that he doesn't wear anymore, and now he actually wants another piece of jewellery from me. That's great.
I smiled at him and told him to buy me a Rampent Rabbit for Christmas! He looked at me like he couldn't believe I would ask him, LOL and said is that to sate me while he is not there. I said hell no, you're gonna teach me how to have fun with it
He laughed. Then I made a joke about how I hope he doesn't run away again before Christmas, as I am looking forward to that now! He winked at me.
I toasted teacakes for him and DD's and we all ate together and I showed them photographs from when I took them on a trip to the library.
Then Andy and I had a slightly tense discussion about his contact times with DD4, as he wanted to bring her back Monday afternoon, but she has nursery school then, and I have First Aid before that. I asked Andy to bring her back Monday morning and said I could introduce him to her teachers.
He said he wanted to take her to this home ed meeting and the nursery school clashed with that. I pointed out to him, gently, that we had been separated a long time and so both had separate lives and it isn't always possible to make our timetables fit. He acknowledged this, but was sitting with his arms crossed in a defensive manner and looking a bit upset.
I suggested to him that I go along with them to some meetings. He smiled and said 'let's just take it one step at a time.'
I then said that I had to plan as if he wasn't coming back, so that meant carrying on with my life and organising DD4's schooling. He said he knew. I then said 'look on the positive side, if you don't run off this time, you can home ed all four of them; she doesn't start school for more than a year so we don't even have to make any choices now.'
He said he knew, he was just having difficulty with the whole nursery concept. I told him she enjoys it and I wouldn't do anything to upset her. He said he knew that, not on purpose, anyway. I squeezed his hand and said that the next year or so was an excellent opportunity for both of us to let the walls down and start sharing in each other's lives a bit more, including the home ed, and who knew what would happen?
When he left, he looked scared to death, but he hugged me on the doorstep.
We are meeting on Monday, outside my First Aid class, but it won't be for long as they have to go somewhere else after that.
