PS: Did it draw Andy out? hmm, well in June 04 after a year of no contact he said he missed me and wasn't in love with OW1, 'no one does it like you' etc (ha ha ha ).
Then 5 days before the D came through, he said 'happy wedding anniversary' etc etc so it did draw him out, yeah.
He does have a habit of going nuts and chasing me down the road in his car, though
I dropped the MLC bomb on DW in June of 2003. [Looking back, my actual MLC did not really begin until Spring of 1999] DW and I were still living in the marital home. It took me a while to get out of my MLC tunnel. I made some noises about getting back together the first time around November 2003...but DW kept pushing me away. In 20/20 hindsight, DW had already begun her EA with the OP around that time or before that.
The OP came to our house around January of 2004. I thought nothing of it as DW and the OP had been long-time friends. Here's a bit of info on DW and OP: they were college sweethearts long before DW and I started dating. [DW and I started dating in 1994]
I suspect that their connections became PA around the time of the OP's visit in January 2004. I tried to get DW back in the M. Did all of the crying, begging and pleading. DW and OP continued their long-distance A [they lived in different states] with plane visits, phone calls, IMs, & webcams. Finally, DW moved out of the state in August of 2004. Needless to say, my world crashed afterwards. I wrote DW several letters---probably more of the CBP sh!t.
I did not come across this BB until October 1st. Since then, I have written cards to DW (Halloween, pictures of our dog--it got one long email response from DW). Have gotten no response from DW during that Fall of 2004 except for that long email saying that "I need to work on my issues." Things got slightly warmer around X-mas when I sent her the first gift for the holidays. Then it was back to being cold--I continued with short cards, emails, mini-gifts from January until May of 2005.
Things did not get better until around Memorial Day Weekend (MDW) which is the end of May in the States. It was during that time that DW flew to visit her parents in their home state because my FIL had gone to the hospital because of a bad fall. DW drove down to our marital home because she wanted to bring our dog to her parents' home to spend some time with the dog. It was the first time we had been in each other's presence in a long time (last time was for the dog switch over the Xmas holidays) and we got into a small R talk. [For more information, feel free to visit my thread over in the Newcomer's Forum: Determined & Steadfast]
After the MDW visit, DW's emails have gotten a bit more longer and a bit more friendly. Which is encouraging to say the least. However, I am still not seeing any concrete movement from DW to engage in any R/M talk [I've not initiated any nor will!] or hear anything from her about herself, her life...etc.
Well my thoughts are that you initiated your marital breakup, so she will have trust issues to deal with, as well as rejection issues and she is maybe scared of trusting you again. The OP is familiar to her, old childhood sweetheart, giving her attention you didn't etc etc.
You say she has responded positively to gifts. My feeling is, do what works, and okay, so there's no R talk yet, but you have seen some positive change in her. If you go completely dark, she may think you don't care or that she was right not to give you a second chance.
So if I was in your sitch, I would carry on doing what you're doing. If there comes a point where you are uncomfortable with it or don't see any real change in the next few months, then I would evaluate what you want to do.
Since you left her, she needs to see that you care and she can't if you are 'dark'.
I would only use that option when you have exhausted all other options.
Well, Andy text me asking how I was, so I text back, saying fine and asking how he was. He said okay, but he was trying to figure out what the kiss meant.
I text back that he knows how I feel about him and that actually he loves me too but I wasn't forcing anything and if it's not to be, then it's not to be.
He text back that no matter what he does to break the bond between us, he can't, he just can't do it.
I text back that he didn't have to because even if we weren't together I would always care for him, no matter where in the world he was living, and that I hoped he wasn't upset by what happened.
He text back:
'No I'm not upset, I thought it was lovely.'
So I text back that I was glad he was okay and that I too liked it.
How cool is that? He thought it was lovely
Trying very hard not to let this go to my head. Gotta stamp out OW2 first.
I'm still up at 1.18am as he's keeping me up all night on msn
Check out this convo I have pasted here:
Andy says: love and feelings are strange things
Jo says: Oh I know, it's great.
Andy says: well... Andy says: i think you know i still love you despite everything. as hard as i have tried not to it still comes back Jo says: Yes I know that, sweetheart, I love you too. Always will Jo says: I've always known you have Jo says: it shows Jo says: Thank you for telling me though, that was a big thing for you to do Andy says: yes Andy says: i am getting better at expressing myself.
WHOO HOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He bloody admitted it on msn, he actually admitted it!!!!!!!
Remember patience and don't get the cart before the horse. Not trying to take away from you're recent positives, but trying to remind you of the prudence that you advise for everyone else and yourself.
I think it's great the steps he's making towards you. Just take it slow and let the situation run its course. I guess I'm just nervous for you that he will end up hurting you again, and I wouldn't want that.
).
There's a lot for me to mull over in my pond. 