Well my house is trashed and I feel happy and sad at the same time.
X and DD's arrived at just after 5 and DD1 came in with this hand painted card that said
'To the best mummy in the world. I love you if you are happy and if you are cross. I love you if you are with me and if you are not. You are the best to me, with lots and lots of love, DD1.'
I struggled not to cry at that one and put it on the very top of my bookshelf.
Then X walked in with a brand new DVD player in his arms and said 'I bought this for you!'
Well, given my DD's heartfelt display of affection and then getting expensive presents from X, I was just standing there staring at them. He knew I wanted to get a DVD player as when I invited them for Christmas, I told him it didn't matter if he wasn't there, because I was going to watch films on my new DVD player!
I thanked him for it several times and offered to pay for it but he just smiled and said 'oh we can sort something out' and then said he wanted a free copy of my book in exchange for the DVD player. I said okay.
He set up the DVD player and then proceeded to empty all of my videos and DVD's (I have loads) all over the floor. I asked him what he was doing and he said 'being nosey'. He even found the 'What Men Want' sex DVD (!). Thank God he didn't mention it. He then put them all back really neatly and tidied DD4's children's videos, which were in different cases etc.
After he'd re-organised my living room, he then went round the house, put new light bulbs in and started fixing broken things. I said to the DD's that he was the new 'Handy Andy' - LOL. He then opened all the windows to 'let the air in'.
I cooked dinner with DD1 and DD2. DD1 chopped vegetables and grated cheese and DD2 put things into pans and stirred things and they helped me get the plates out etc. It was really crowded in there with 3 of us cooking!
After we'd all eaten dinner together, we had some cake and then they asked if they could play with the neighbour's kids so we said yes.
While they were outside, X told me he was worried about DD2 and her continuing problems (she has had a question mark over her health since she was 2). He said he was considering taking her to a herbalist and another child psychologist but he needed her full medical history and couldn't remember it all, so I sat with him and took him through her early years and her birth etc. He recalled some but not all.
We discussed various options open to us and as yet he's still undecided what to do, but at least he has chosen to include me for a change.
The kids came back in and DD1 picked up some knitting I'd been doing and carried on knitting it for me (I was making a scarf for one of DD4's teddies). She's very talented at hand craft.
Then DD2 came in and sat on both mine and her father's knees so we were kinda squashed together and she read this book called 'Tutti Fruiti' while we both helped her out with some of the words. It was really sweet. Then she read 'Dear Greenpeace' with us.
After that, X said they had to go so DD3 and DD4 were complaining, why are you going, etc, and I said 'well, I'm sure daddy has had enough for one day.' So he took my hand and squeezed it and stayed holding my hand while DD2 was finishing her book.
It was really cosy. There was DD2 reading stories on our knees, X holding my hand, DD1 doing my knitting and DD3 and DD4 were playing with teddies on the floor.
All the DD's kissed me goodbye after being here over 4 hours and then X said he'd see me and DD4 on Thursday. The only down point was when DD2 called me 'Maddie' (OW2) but I let that go pretty quickly for my sanity.
Ahh Jo. You just teared me up. What a wonderful family interaction!
I think your shift toward emphasizing the positive w/ Andy really helped to set the table for this dinner (no pun intended). He has responded so well to that change in you.
Your DDs are so hungry for you! Solely focusing on you, what a nice gift to have such a good interaction just days following your feeling so physically ill.
I'm both happy for you and learning from your ability to move mountains with your personal changes.
Today I took DD4 to 'Planet Happy' children's play centre and she had such fun running around playing, that she fell asleep on the way home, so the bus driver drew the bus right outside our house so we wouldn't have to walk home from the bus station!
I was invited to a dance class with DD4 in the morning so I text X and said 'I am taking DD out in the morning, so please don't come before 1pm. Thanks.'
He text back 'Okay, no problem. See you then' and then a big smiley face.
Well, you're doing it!! Drawing him back to you. If only you had thought about getting nearly run over sooner. With the exception of a minor slip (which btw, I would make absolutely nothing of....my ex step-son and step-daugther will slip and call me "mom" or "dad", my brother will slip up a dozen times and call me by his son's name, and I slip up all the time and refer to my kids by their brothers names, I'll even sometimes call the dog by one of the kids names). That was a great night. Obviously lots of positives and it's nice to hear that things continuing on as usual though. That's the thing I have most taken note of in your situation.....you stay steady with your own life without too much pursue/withdraw/get sad/get mad/angry outburst etc....it's your X that vacillates around.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
It wasn't always that way. For the first year after separation I had zero control of my emotions. It's taken a long while to be this way. I think it's because I used to blame myself back then and think that I was somehow 'making' him want me when he didn't want to be married and so when he backtracked it was all my fault or in my imagination because I wanted to reconcile.
The more time has passed, I have realised it's the other way around with him that can't and won't let me go and more recently he has admitted this is the case.
The car thing was NOT good but maybe my withdrawal from him afterwards did him good, and I think telling him off for the sex jokes etc was a good idea because it teaches him to respect me.
I still do get upset from time to time, but I do it in private. He doesn't see me upset, and that's the key.
Besides, if I based my happiness upon one person, I would not be very fulfilled or interesting, so it's important to carry on with my life regardless.
With the exception of a minor slip (which btw, I would make absolutely nothing of....my ex step-son and step-daugther will slip and call me "mom" or "dad", my brother will slip up a dozen times and call me by his son's name, and I slip up all the time and refer to my kids by their brothers names, I'll even sometimes call the dog by one of the kids names). That was a great night. Obviously lots of positives and it's nice to hear that things continuing on as usual though. That's the thing I have most taken note of in your situation.....you stay steady with your own life without too much pursue/withdraw/get sad/get mad/angry outburst etc....it's your X that vacillates around. 
but maybe my withdrawal from him afterwards did him good, and I think telling him off for the sex jokes etc was a good idea because it teaches him to respect me.