He doesn't have the power to do that, Heather. Think about this. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Well unless I want to become controlling like he is, I don't see where ... the reality that I cannot deny is that he does have the power to control me with these things.
OK, the answer is because you're letting him. He's gonna do what he wants to do and laugh in your face as he frustrates you. F*ck him. Leave the b#stard. You don't love him anymore, and he doesn't love you. Leaving him... THAT's how you'll get yourself back. Forgive my bluntness.
"love is a verb or a choice" isn't about having loving "feelings". It's about acting with love. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm about to say something really WASish that I think I should probably know the answer to by now, but here goes: How can I act with love when I don't feel any love for him? Yes, that is a real question.
H is NOT encouraging your feelings of love toward him, but trashing them by his trying to control you, and your feelings of love have diminished, and may have in fact, died. Yes, they can die. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- This is where I get confused. For me, the feelings can die? But for every other WAS on this board, they are just hiding, running, deluded, selfish
Well, maybe it's not readily admitted about the WAS, but sometimes they've left because their feelings of love have been killed off. Just as an LBS's whining and groveling and pleading can kill off any residue of love the WAS may have, so can controlling behaviors, verbal or physical abuse kill off love.
But don't treat me preferentially b/c you haven't heard H's side of the story.
Need I, really? I need to hear his BS reasons? No thanks. Life's too short.
I want to hear that I deserve better and that I've tried. I want to hear that my A doesn't justify all the bad things that have since happened nor does it excuse or erase all the bad things that happened prior. When people say that to me, I know they care about me. But it makes me wonder if all I've really done is brought yet another person over to 'my side'.
You know why I'm on your "side"?
Because you're in such a cloud that you still don't see how you're making excuses for his abuse of you, you still don't see how you both are really showing how that neither of you really want this relationship deep down.
Have you read "In Cold Blood"? Light reading compared to what we've been through. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I have not read that. I looked it up and it looks intimidating!
I was joking. It's that wry humor I'm so loved and noted for.
