Heather... I'm sorry you are feeling so low right now. It's understandable and totally acceptable. Don't be ashamed of having these perfectly natural feelings. And yes, love is a choice, but if it feels like you're throwing your love into a black hole, it must be hard to manufacture new love. And it's ok to not want to right now.
Look at the next few days as a well-earned vacation. Don't try to fix anything in your R, just enjoy the kids. When your H comes back, see how you feel.
Yes, having children complicates things, especially when you have good reason to believe that things will be messy. But it's not impossible, and I can see you getting stronger every day. Either path will require a lot of strength, and you have enough, so don't be afraid.
