Heather, this whole thing about analyzing what Matt's doing by calling you "irrational", "emotional", et al, has got you doing to him what he's doing to you. It's making you feel things and attributing motives to him... these are the very same things we learn bring down communication. I'd say, let it go.
that the less I give him when he is confrontational, the less he has to grab onto and run with... LESS IS MORE HEATHER!!!
What do you think of this:
"Matt, I feel like you were trying to tell me something genuine last night, although I really stopped listening at the point where I felt you were attacking my sanity. I'd like to hear what you wanted to say. From past discussions, I've heard you say that you are concerned with my family's perceptions of you as a result of what I may or may not have told them about you. This is a valid concern. Is that how you feel?"
Whoa!! What's the long version?
Here's my idea of the short version:
"Are you concerned with my family's perceptions of you?"
Here's my idea of how the conversation would go better:
Matt: You bet. You've tainted them against me with your talking about me.
Heather: I'm sorry you think that. My conversations with my family were about the way I felt.
Matt: The way you felt, but not the truth!
Heather: Well they do say there's two sides to every story. I was telling them my side of the story. Would you like to tell them your side?
Matt: It's too late for that now, the damage is done.
Heather: And what is the damage?
Matt: They don't like me. So that will influence everything they do that regards me.
Heather: So... why are you letting that affect you?
Matt: Because it's not right!
Heather: It may not be right, but how does being angry at them or me, or blaming them or me, make it better?
Matt: You think you're so smart, huh?
Heather: That's not the question. The question is, if being angry with me or them doesn't make things better, then what's the point to continue this blame?
