Learning to trust myself II

[heatherg]

H is in San Diego for 10 days or so. Lately, even when he's been travelling, it's usually been to DC so he's been home on the weekends. It's not very often I get to plan fun time with the kids so I'll have to decide what we're going to do. Hmm.
H's parents came over to watch the kiddy cats for me so I could go to karate tonight. That was very nice of them to offer. *50 push ups* in class tonight!! Good grief, I think they're trying to kill me.
On to another subject....after an A a problem often arises in that the betrayed partner wants to talk about the A and ask questions about it all the time. The partner who betrayed starts to feel on guard b/c they never know when the questions will start (or when they will end!!) or how it will change the mood or if it will ruin the day. So, one of the things that I've heard several sources suggest is to set up a time of week for an hour where the A will be discussed. All questions are answered lovingly. But only for an hour. I'm thinking that if things keep going positively for H and I that I may suggest this. H says that he doesn't feel I've ever been sorry so maybe it will help to talk about it. We haven't discussed details in quite some time. It's a hard step to take b/c the last thing I want to do is talk about this.....but it may be what H needs.
All in all, we've been doing better. H found out on Monday that he was leaving for San Diego Thursday. I told H "I really want to get to karate tonight especially if you are leaving Thursday". I think I hurt his feelings b/c he would have preferred to hear that I wanted to be with him since he was leaving Thursday. Oops. He sort of fell into his old ways, taking his time when he knew it was time for me to leave. I ended up leaving while he was in the shower (he had been mowing the lawn and was sweaty). I poked my head in the door and said I have to leave now or I'll be late. I put D2 on the couch with a movie and S4 was playing with his hotwheels and I left. He called me about 5 minutes later expressing absolute disbelief that I left. He was more than irritated and it pretty much threw off the next couple of days for us. We were in a pretty good place right before that, showing affection in public, etc.
He gets so defensive about my karate, it drives him crazy that I go. He gets irritated that I expect him to "watch" the kids and ultimately irritated b/c I'd rather go to class than be with him I think. I'm glad that we've been having more good days than bad and that we're being more thoughtful and considerate of one another, but I'm still not at a point where I feel like putting his needs ahead of mine.