Learning to trust myself II

[heatherg]

I know, I definitely have to update. I've been so engrossed with everyone elses' threads that there's not usually much time left over to write, lol.
I will post more tonight, but for now, I want to post something specific.

I have a friend (old coworker) who is going through a D right now, her and her H had a few encounters with a third person (also married and her and her H are into swinging) and my friend's H and that other woman ended up becoming sexually intimate when my friend wasn't around and things just escalated. In addition to that, she had been unfaithful to him prior to than one time and he to her. Her unfaithfulness resulted in an abortion that he found out about by accident. A mess. Anyway, everytime my H and I discuss that situation, we argue because I already know a threesome is something he would like to do. I don't know how serious he is about it, I don't think very as he's never outwardly asked me, but serious enough to actually discuss it with me as a viable option. It drives me freaking crazy with anger. I told him last night that my friend's H claimed to her that she had problems with intimacy and H sort of snorted, like how could she have problems with intimacy if she is so open sexually? I explained my point of view that intimacy is not sex...he said I know, so it's not possible to have an intimate threesome? Wow. So I asked what his definition of intimate was. He got uncomfortable. He said a connection, an emotional closeness. Really? So not only do you think sex with a third person is a viable option, but an emotional connection to a third person is also a viable option. Hmm. I said, "you know, it pisses me off b/c when we discuss this, we are not talking about a 'third person', we are talking about a 'second woman'. If I were to mention bringing a second man into our bedroom, you would be ok with that?" He said "I certainly woundn't become enraged by the idea...". Yeah right!! The guy who can't forive me for kissing someone else is going to be fine with witnessing another guy...ok, you get the idea. Bullsh!t!!

Can you tell I'm touchy on the subject? Well I'm glad if you've deduced that, but I gotta say, my reactions give it away to the point where it doesn't take a genius. Hence my irritation that he cannot seem to keep some of his stupid thoughts to himself. ARGH. Don't get me wrong, it's one thing to fantasize about it and talk about it in a fantasy sort of way, but only when I felt comfortable he's not suggesting that it's something that could actually fly in our M. What good could possibly come of that? How would it benefit our M?