Regarding "I don't think you can be too honest...."
Quote: To not have told everything would have been to a) risk continuing an affair that was hazardous to myself, my family and my marriage and b) let the wrongdoing go in vain by never addressing the causes, the pain it caused, etc.
I agree with what you did.
I was listening to Joe Beam of the Family Dynamics Institute talk about Emotional Intimacy. He said that it was necessary for spouses who have had affairs to tell their wives/husbands about the affair so that they can be totally honest and truthful to each other. They need to trust each other. But the spouse also needs to give their partner room to react. I'm sorry that this is the part that is causing you so much pain.
I agree with what he said b/c I believe that WAW didn't talk to me about her feelings. She learned this from her father who kept info from his W, and still does. I think that it rather controlling of a spouse to decide what their spouse needs to know or can handle and doesn't need to know or can't handle. (Remember Jack Nicholson's line, "You can't handle the truth!"?) I'd be PO'ed if WAW had that arrogant attitude, but I don't know. I don't think that I ever gave her a reason to believe that there would be consequences if she told me about her feelings, but that goes back to my lessons of perception. Just b/c I think I presented myself one way to W, doesn't mean that she saw me that way.
