Quote: I have been thinking lately that I'm not very good at loving gestures, loving words, validation, appreciation. I act nonchalant about gestures that actually mean a lot to me. I don't know why I do that.
It seems like in a dynamic like yours, it would feel very unnatural to shift to those behaviours. Things have been unpleasant between you and your H for a long time... this may be a 180 that changes that dynamic.
Also, your H likes to capitalize on your vulnerabilities, so it's natural that you would be wary of trying such things. But if you do them with zero expectations you won't be vulnerable to any initial rejection on his part.
Good luck Heather, as usual, my thoughts are with you.
