Learning to trust myself II

[heatherg]

Give her time. She may feel differently by November (or December). At the very least she'll be more willing to listen to how you feel about being put on the spot by this.

I sure hope so. My sister is my best friend.

I don't think you were misleading about it earlier.

Good!

It was just very easy for me to focus on "just a kiss" given the nature of my W's PA.

I understand where you are coming from. If only we could learn from each other's lessons, but it seems there are some mistakes that people cannot learn from until they make them on their own (I am speaking for my own mistakes as well). I think back a lot to Anna's admission that had her H been immediately remorseful, her behavior toward her H would have been distinctly different from what it is today, and not for the better. I truly think that would be the case for lots of people, it's a natural human reaction. When both parties agree that one's actions are so incredibly, it takes a pretty big person to move past it.

Although you really did very little with it, the level of involvement shows there was clearly something you were looking for that you weren't getting in your M.

I was very honest with my H (perhaps too honest? ) when I told him I didn't know how far I would have let things go with OM. I cannot claim credit for not taking things further, only for being honest about my actions when asked and then having the common sense to cut it out once H's reaction brought me back to reality.

I don't believe he thinks you're just an untrustworthy person. I think he's scared of looking at his role in all this.

You'd think he'd be more scared of *not* looking at his role in all this, scared that an A could happen again. I do think he recognizes that I've been a trustworthy and honest person in the past.

My suggestion would be that he start working on himself now while you still want this to work.

That would be my suggestion as well, lol. But I know that I also have a lot more work to do. I have been thinking lately that I'm not very good at loving gestures, loving words, validation, appreciation. I act nonchalant about gestures that actually mean a lot to me. I don't know why I do that.