Learning to trust myself II

[heatherg]

your dad is no more knowledgable of better communication skills than the next guy

Yeah, I know. This is kind of what I wanted to say when you said the role of FIL is to be a coach/role model, but I haven't had time to reply to your specific post until now. My dad simply can't fill that role, he's a good guy these days, but he hasn't always been. There's nothing else I have to say about that.

"is dad's remark really a cause for the two of you to argue over or discuss anymore?"......IMO, it's not. Why not? Because it belongs to dad, from whom it came, and not Matt and not you.

I couldn't agree more. I wouldn't say that H and I have argued extensively about it, H simply keeps bringing it up. One of those times I explained that my father did not disown him. One time. That's all I expect to say about it, except to suggest that he consider taking as much responsibility for his own words as he seems to want to place on my dad. That's all I have to say on the matter. I know that this is not my battle, however, it has made our vacation very strained as H will no longer come out to my parents' house and as you all know, he also hates to be w/out his kids which makes it extremely difficult for the kids to spend time with the grandparents now. Do you see what I mean? So, although the words exchanged between H and my dad are not my problem, they become my problem. I will try to schedule next year's visit to my parents' house as a solo visit, but I'm sure you can guess how that will go. This is all such a new chapter, as my H and parents have always gotten along well. There is tension in the air now, even between my family and I. They cannot understand why I don't leave H. They think everything would be just fine if I left, all my problems would be solved. And when I counter that, they say, oh sure it will be hard for a while, but it will get better. Like they know.