Learning to trust myself II

[Burgbud]

Oh, Heather. I'm so sorry. I can't believe one fight and he's throwing D and splitting time with the kids at you. And in front of your family like that...I don't know if it makes me madder or sadder.

Good for Chuck for trying to keep you on the straight and narrow. And I'm hugely impressed that you were able to offer any sort of apology to H after that. But...

...I feel guilty for bringing this all on.

Please don't. Feeling guilty for more than a second after that is feeling guilty for not being perfect. That's a cheeseless tunnel for sure. Look back at what you posted and compare what came out of your mouth with what came out of his. You didn't control him. Give him the respect of allowing him to be accountable for his part of the R. Don't take that on yourself.


It is not up to the person who betrayed to question those reassurances.

Gotta disagree. A year later? After you kissed a guy? Time to ask a few questions. He was completely out of town for long stretches, yet he can't handle you going to a bar with a friend, which you invited him to, in your hometown? That's not about trust or reassurance. That's about reminding you of what happened. "Heather met a guy in a bar and kissed him so Heather can't go to bars any more."

And now the kids are pawns. Unbelievable. Whether you can make this work or not I really, really hope he gets a few things straightened out in his head, sooner rather than later.

Good luck, Heather. I'm sending you all the good vibes I can muster. Work on your PMA, enjoy as much time with your parents as you can, and have no doubt that you are terrific for having handled all this with more dignity than I could have mustered. Cry if it makes you feel better. And stay strong.