Learning to trust myself II

[heatherg]

Yes Mel, kids certainly do make all the difference, no question. If not for my kids, H would still be drinking and doing whatever it is he feels he was born to do, and I would be gone. I really feel that way. Having kids has made H change in a lot of positive ways and cemented me in my place at the same time.

NY, I checked out the link you suggested. The part that most applied to my situation is:

Throw in the Towel:

If you are only staying because you are afraid to leave.
If you feel like a prisoner in your own home.
If partner blames you for provoking their anger.
If you feel like you are losing your sense of identity.

Pick Up the Pieces

If the abuse has been linked to drug or alcohol, and your partner is in recovery.
If the fights are interactive ones where you participate equally in the escalation, and you are involved in couples therapy to learn conflict resolution.
If partner admits responsibility for the abuse and is committed to long term therapy and/or medication.

Can't quite characterize myself or my R with any of these statements either way. The "throw in the towel" moments happen more often than I would like, but I can't say that they characterize the way I feel as a whole. I liked the last statement on the page Remember, love is not just a feeling -- love is also a verb. .

With my inlaws....MIL lives on the beach, so we'll call her and ask if we can bring the kids over to hang out on the beach (I know, I know, key is calling first here, but in all honesty what is she going to say 'no'? So calling is just a sidenote, lol). We take over each others' houses and it's not a problem really. I don't know why I expressed irritation with it, I guess it had to do with it all transpiring in my absence, to come home to a full driveway and people cooking in my kitchen was slightly irritating but somehow if I would have been there the entire time, I probably wouldn't have thought twice. They cleared the table and brought their dishes to the sink, which is acceptable to me. H and I could handle the rest, as we don't normally do dishes when we visit them either, just general cleanup.

H took D2 to the grocery store last night and left S4 with me (good, right?) and he came home and told D2 to show Mommy what she picked out for me. She got me a bottle of reisling, lol. She must have liked the blue bottle. H said "I took her over to the reislings and told her to pick the one she liked, it doesn't even have a cork, just a screw cap (he's laughing), but she liked it so, here you go". Sweet, huh? Told ya, he always likes to keep my wine rack full