Learning to trust myself II

[heatherg]

Well, it's back to karate today!! The other students will probably fall on the floor when they see me walk in the door. It's funny, once I came on a day that's not one of my usual days and one of they guys joked that I messed him all up b/c now he keeps thinking it's Friday. Funny b/c H has set a pretty rigid schedule in our house, that I follow by default and I have people teasing *me* about that schedule, lol.

Well, H has definitely displayed his old self this weekend. Giving me silent treatment/very short dismissive answers b/c something didn't go his way. I just ignored it as though it wasn't happening, kept talking to him, asking questions and making statements the same way I would have any other time. Is that a good reaction do you think? Or do you think it would be better to totally withdraw from him when he behaves that way and cut out all but necessary interaction? The latter seems to drag things out, as I've tried it in the past. But that doesn't necessarily mean it's not the way to handle it. Thoughts? The emotional abuse book is pretty adamant that I am supposed to confront H and tell him that he has been emotionally abusing me and then I am to point out the occurences when they happen. I don't think that would go over so well with my H.

So, H initiated nephew's sleepover last night and this morning, H stays in bed while I am up with the kids. They start mentioning breakfast and H and I discussed last night that french toast would be breakfast. So, I go down to H's bedroom and tell him the kids are up and I will need to make breakfast soon. I get out the griddle and the stuff, wait a bit and then go back down and ask him to get up yet again, he keeps falling back asleep as I'm standing there. I ask "Is this how you intended it to be? Me up with kids, making breakfast and doing the dishes while you sleep in?" Normally, this isn't a problem, as he usually does sleep in an hour or so longer than me on the weekends, not a big deal. But normally we don't have other children in the house that he has invited either. I ask him if he feels I'm being unreasonable and he says "yes". Then everything I try to say after that, he just keeps saying "yes, yes" [being unreasonable] because I also mentioned that I did all the dishes last night after dinner (his parents unexpectedly showed, in addition to his sister and her two kids who we planned to have). So, he gets up but doesn't help with anything and after we finish eating (H wouldn't eat), H has his head down on the table. I say "H, if you are that tired, go back to bed, that is fine with me. It's not that I minded making the breakfast or doing the dishes last night, I just don't want it to be expected. You just let me get up this morning w/out saying a word to me and I was just expected to get everything going. If you would have said "I don't feel well or I really need some extra sleep, I would really appreciate it if you could handle breakfast", I would have gladly done it, go ahead and go back to bed and I will take the kids outside in a little bit. He gets up and walks away, leaves me with all the dishes, still on the table. He starts a board game with the kids while I do the dishes.

I pestered him to get up this morning, not a good thing. Hopefully I made up for it with what I felt was a calm reasonable explanation of why I was upset and what he could have done differently if he wanted to sleep in.