Learning to trust myself II

[heatherg]

I found more to talk about with my C than I thought I would. It's amazing how quickly an hour can pass.

I'm having a guilty day, a sorry day. One of those days where I feel like I've made such a huge mess of my M and our lives. What kind of person does what I did??? I just sit here and shake my head with disbelief that it was really me. One of the things I used to think about often before the A was how happy I was that I didn't have any regrets in my life. I was a good person. I know I'm still a good person, but I'm a different person. Sometimes I feel like a sick person. Sometimes I feel like I am so preoccupied with what other people must think of me that it consumes me. In these dark days that have comprised the last year of my life, I have told people things about me and my R that I would normally be very private about. Two people in particular that I don't even necessarily trust, I guess I just felt comfort at the time knowing they had been through this before.....when this all came down I didn't know anyone who had ever been divorced with children and I didn't find this board until about 8 months after I told H about my A.
So, having disclosed such personal details of my life, I now I feel very revealed. One of the people I told that I don't trust, unfortunately I work with. Now I feel as though everyone knows.

I liked it better before, when everyone thought H and I had the perfect marriage and we were very happy. Now people close to me know that my life is broken and as Anna pointed out on her thread, reality can be most unpleasant!!
What a crappy day...