Still trying....

[ValerieA]

Journaling:

Well, that optimism was short-lived ....Ugh .

(SIGH)....I just don't think it's going to work. We've had several interactions over the last few days, and in each one of them, one of us took something the other said too seriously. Then every time H would make some sort of sexual overture, it just rubbed me the wrong way .

I going to get rather explicit now, so please excuse me, but I need to just get it out.

I don't want to be f***ed. I have felt like that's all I have been getting from H for the last few years. No romance, no passion, no closeness. He is all into dirty talk, and I've gone along with it for so long because I knew that's what he wanted. Even when we were intimate about a month ago, he started talking that way with me. I asked him, "No please. Don't talk like that." He just looked at me and continued with the dirty talk.

I just do not feel very feminine, lady-like, or respected by him when he does that....and he won't stop because that's what HE likes.

I just talked to him about an hour ago. We were talking about some repairs he had done to his car before he left for Oregon again. Then out of nowhere, he said flirtingly, "You wanna get f***ed, huh?"....OMG, it makes me soooo sick just typing that !!!!....I said, "What??!!!" Then he repeated himself. I let out kind of a disgusted "ugh" and said, "No, H, I do not want to get f***ed." He kept saying "yeah you do", and I kept saying no. I told him I was tired of f***ing. He said, "What? You say it like you're doing it all the time!" I said, "Whatever, H. You know....to me, there's two kinds of sex. There's intimacy with romance and passion...making love...then there's f***ing....and I'm just tired of it." Then he got p*ssed off and said, "Why can't you just f***ing lighten up?! I'm getting off the phone now! Goodbye!" CLICK! <--- Oh, how he loves doing that .

(SIGH)....I have two LLs -- One is QT, and the other is PT. When it comes to PT, I want to feel feminine, desired, and loved in a certain special way. I do NOT want to feel like.....I can't even think of the right words to describe it....Used??...Like I'm just there??...I don't know.

For someone who just told me a few days ago that he wanted to sweep me off my feet, well.....it's not happening.

Thanks for listening.

Valerie

"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination."