Your H is so obviously confused and has been for a very long time and you know that. I read your list and from what I see most of your reasons not to try are all based on the fact that you do not trust your H in any aspect of his life. I have followed your sitch from the beginning and the your lack of trust is with very good reason. Why do you have to agree to give him and the M another chance with just his words? We all know that actions speak louder than words...(DB tells us that too) your H is full of words (very contradicting words) let him show you that he wants to make it right before agreeing to give the M another chance. IMHO, your H needs to work on himself (his bulimia, anger, low self-esteem) before you can work on your M.
If he can show you (by your standards, not his) that he can and will change and you decide you will give the M one more chance than you will need to let go of the past and start with a "beginners mind!"
When my H came home I "knew" that it was just for the kids and $$ reasons...the bottom line is he would not be here if he didn't really want to be...I think that will hold true in your sitch if your H decides to get counseling.
Be strong and set some boundaries. Whether your M works out or not you are and will be an inspiration to many people struggling to save themselves and their M.
