Still trying....

[ValerieA]

Journaling:

Somebody's REALLY p*ssed now .

H called earlier this afternoon to ask me to let him know when his unemployment check gets here...there was no need for him to do that...I ALWAYS let him know when it gets here, and he knows that.

Anyway, he asked if I still wanted to talk. I said yes...that Friday would be best while the kids are in school and S1 will be with MIL for the day. Then H said let's just talk now. I told him I'd prefer to wait until Friday. He said no, now...(sigh)...so, ok. I started talking.

I told him that what I had proposed to him was fair...it was very fair. H said, "Ok, so I pay for you to stay there, but you still don't get the money." I told him he was wrong. I told him that I'm entitled to it...it's the law....I may not have handled this convo the best or the right way, but I wasn't going to back down, and I could feel H trying to back me into a corner.

I told H that I did talk with a lawyer. I said to him, "You told me to see a lawyer, and that's exactly what I did." Then H BLOWS up...what else is new?...and said, "I CAN'T AFFORD THAT! I CAN'T AFFORD TO PAY FOR YOU TO LIVE THERE AND FOR MY STUFF, TOO!"

I told him, "Get a job then, H. You could do something else, you know. I don't know why you're limiting your job search to just the refineries and poker dealing. Why not try auto sales or something else? You and I both know you're a kick a** salesman who knows how to close. You could do something else. I can't right now. It's going to take me some time to go back to school and further my education so that I can support myself and the boys because working at Mervyn's, JCPenney's, or Target isn't going to pay the bills! It'll hardly pay for childcare as it is!"

All H had to say was, "I don't want to do car sales." I told him, "Ok, so find something else then. It doesn't have to be just that. Just do something for the time being while you continue with your training course. You're only 31, H. There's a lot you can do."

H said, "Ok. What if I just stop paying the mortgage then, huh? What would you do if I did that?"....OMG, I couldn't believe he actually said that....I said, "Don't even. Don't even act like that. Why would you want to say that? Why would you even think about screwing me over like that, and the truth is, you'd be doing it to the boys, too." H yelled again, "Because I can't afford that! I can't pay for you to be there if I have to give you any money!"

I told him, "Well, it is my half of our money, H. I am entitled to it. It doesn't matter that I didn't contribute to it financially, or that you feel it's YOUR money since you worked your a** off for it. Yes, you did...but I also worked my a** off here in the house. I've cooked, cleaned, did your laundry, made sure all the bills were paid on time, took care of any and all errands for you when you couldn't, and I've been at home everyday with the kids. Every day, every night...while you were out playing cards or doing who knows what....You chose to do this, H. I tried. I tried to look past all of what's happened. I tried to make it work, but you didn't want that. You walked out...but none of that matters now. This is what it is. We have kids -- " Then H interrupted with, "No, YOU chose to have kids. Not me."... ...I said to him, "Tell me something I haven't already heard from you, H. Ok, so it was my choice, right? Well then it was YOUR choice to stay and be unhappy with me from the start...and then have 2 more kids with me during the course of our M."

He said nothing....BTW, during this convo, H locked himself out of his car . So that only added more fuel to his fire. He asked me to look for the spare, but I guess he didn't remember that he was using the spare since he lost the original a few months back.

Anyway, he called back around 1:30pm and was upset that he didn't make it to his class due to being distracted by ME and our convo...well I seem to recall that you wanted to talk NOW, H ...luckily he was able to call and talk with his teacher who told him to attend the late class. Soooo....he said that he definitely wants to talk on Friday....he was much more pleasant in this phone call.

Well.....we'll see what happens then, I guess.

Thanks for listening.

JV

"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination."