Hello, all . I hope everyone is enjoying their weekend.
S1 spent the weekend with my parents (I'll be picking him up in a couple of hours), and yesterday S9, S6, and I went to go see "Wallace and Gromit" . The kids really liked it, and there are even some things in it for the adults to laugh at!
Anyway, the appt with the ATTY went very well. He said that what I was proposing to H is fair...in fact, he said it is more than fair...that H should really give me more than what I was asking for...but no matter what happens, I will get my half of what's in the bank.
If H should choose to have the 'attitude' like, "Ok, I'll give you your half, but you're not staying in the house then," I can ask for a deferred sale. Seeing how we have school-aged children and I'm currently not able to support myself and them, the judge would most likely grant me that, and I would be able to stay in the house for another year or two, and H would still have to pay for us to be here.
The thing I need to be careful about is when I told H that if he agreed to what I wanted, then I wouldn't seek any additional support....well, I can always get the child support at any time, but I have to watch what I say and how it's worded on the legal papers when it comes to alimony because if I waive that, there's no asking for it later, and right now I have about 4 years worth of alimony coming to me.
I also asked the ATTY if it made any difference that H's name is on everything...and I mean everything...but he said no. Everything we have was acquired during our M, so it's all community property. The house was in my name also when we bought it in 2002, but when H refinanced in late 2003, the paperwork was all run under his name only...don't ask me how that happened because I haven't got a clue...so when the notary official came to the house for us to sign the refinance papers (the loan company was down in San Diego -- we are near Sacramento), I saw that my name wasn't on anything ! The only thing there was for me to sign was a quit claim. I was bothered by this very much to say the least, but H said, "Come on. The papers are already here and ready to be signed. We'll put you back on the house later, ok?" So yeah, I signed, and I asked numerous times after that to be put back on, H said he would, but it never happened.
I told the ATTY this, and he said, well for one thing, the paperwork should never have been done under just H's name...he doesn't know how that was able to happen. Anyway, he said that I could say that I signed under undue influence...in other words, pressure. I don't have to prove my case. I just tell the judge what happened, then it's on H and his lawyer to rebut and prove that I was not under undue influence at all. The ATTY said it's a VERY difficult thing to rebut, and the majority of the time, the decision goes to the person who was under the pressure.
Well...I told H yesterday when he stopped by to get his mail that I would like to get together again some time this week to discuss an agreement again. He didn't say anything, and I didn't tell him that I spoke with an ATTY either. Before my appt was over, the ATTY told me to not let H make me feel like he's doing me a favor by letting me stay in the house while continuing to pay for it because he's not. He pointed out to me, and I can't believe I didn't realize this myself, that the kids and I are probably only getting about $200 from H every month since he's been out of the house....I wasn't thinking about what HIS expenses are every month. H pays $400 a month for renting a room from (mf), then there's his bills over there, his gas to and from Richmond everyday which is about 35 minutes each way, his groceries, HIS POKER PLAYING, the bridge tolls he pays everyday since he's always out playing cards....what else??? H only gets $1800 a month from unemployment, and I can tell you that that is about what we spend every month for the boys and me (the mortgage, bills, groceries, etc). I hadn't checked the bank statements in the past 2 months...I wish I hadn't done that. I checked it online before my appt on Friday, and there is about $4000 less than what there was back in July.... ....We really are ok though. I once said that if we lost $5000 due to his poker thing, it wasn't going to hurt us, and it still won't....but I do believe I should get my half out NOW...but that's the problem because it's all in his name.
Anyway, I feel really good after talking with the ATTY. H made me feel like I was being greedy, and I wasn't at all. I'm learning as I go here , and I'm not going to let H run all over me anymore. I'm not going to let him make me feel like I'm the wrong one all the time.
No more...NO MORE.
Thanks for listening.
JV
"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination."
Valerie
"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination." ~ author unknown
. I hope everyone is enjoying their weekend.
! The only thing there was for me to sign was a quit claim. I was bothered by this very much to say the least, but H said, "Come on. The papers are already here and ready to be signed. We'll put you back on the house later, ok?" So yeah, I signed, and I asked numerous times after that to be put back on, H said he would, but it never happened.
