Journaling:

I enjoyed a very niiiice weekend ! I got together with a good friend on Saturday and we had lunch. Then we went to the flea market in San Jose and browsed -- I know, a lot of "junk", but it was really nice to just get out and walk around. I haven't been there since I was a little girl. My goodness, I don't remember it being that BIG !

Sunday was 'Spa Day' for P, J, and me ! T wasn't able to make it -- tsk, tsk, tsk ...she missed out big time on 2 hours of pampering...aaahhhhh ! It was fantastic ! 1 hour massage, a facial, and relaxation in the spa.....NIIIIICE!!!.....Ok, I'm ready for another !

The kids had a great weekend, too! H took S9 and S6 to Great America (fun ) while S1 stayed to visit with MIL on Saturday, and on Sunday they enjoyed a lot of outdoor activities together -- riding their bikes, playing tennis, etc, etc. When H brought them home that evening, I could tell he was spent !

Anyway, H and I had an R talk earlier today. I told him again that I really would like to get together to discuss things on Friday while the kids are at school and S1 is visiting with MIL. I told him a few weeks ago that I wanted to talk about things -- you know...who gets what, what he'll give to the kids and to me until I'm able to stand on my own two feet, etc...all that stuff -- but he's kind of been avoiding it. When I told him this, he said he remembered, but he was hoping to give me more time to think about it.

H started crying some and said that sometimes he feels this will be for the best, but other times, he knows that he still loves me very much and doesn't want to be without me, and it kills him even more when he looks at the kids especially S1. He can't help feeling that we should stay together for their sake.

I told him I completely understood where he was coming from since I've had those feelings myself before....but I told him I need to do whatever is going to make me happy otherwise I never will be. I told H I was unhappy for a long time because I knew he wasn't. This wasn't the kind of life he wanted. He didn't want to be the 'family man'....and I don't want to continue being with someone who is going to resent me not working. H said, "I know...I know." I told him I'm not saying that I'll never go back to work again, but for right now, I'm not. I have priorities, and right now those are raising our 3 boys as best as I can. H agreed again.

Before I ended the call, H said he wanted me to know that he loves me very much...he always has and has never stopped...he just lost his way...he would like to be a family again, but he understands and will accept the fact if I feel I need to move on. Before hanging up, H said, "You don't have to say it back to me,....but ILY, JV. I really do." I told him goodbye and said I would talk with him later.

That's all for now. Thanks for listening.

JV

"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination."

Valerie

"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination." ~ author unknown

"Piecing is not for the faint of heart." ~ sage