I think sometimes I did, and other times I didn't. When H would tell me that he didn't want me to work, that he wanted me to be able to stay home with the kids, I believed him because that's what I wanted as well. That was my dream -- to be a SAHM -- and when I would hear H say those words to me, I felt supported by him, and I felt that was what he wanted, too. He was very convincing.
But then money issues would come up, and the resentment would follow. H would say that I wasn't pulling my weight, that I needed to get a job, or that I shouldn't say a damn word since I wasn't contributing anything (financially). It was during those times that I did not feel supported by him.
It was a back and forth thing all the time. One minute he had me believing that he really wanted me at home, and the next....well....he had me feeling like I was nothing but a burden to him. I remember I said that to H in one R talk before the S happened. He broke down into tears, and he was crying HARD....because it was the truth. That is exactly how he felt about me.
I also didn't feel I had his support in having children. I never got to experience that joy that couples have when they find out they are expecting. You know, when "he" takes "her" into his arms and embraces her with all his love? When he's as happy as he's ever been because she is carrying his child? Because they are going to be a family? I didn't get that, and I really would've loved to have had it.....oh well.
Quote: *Did YOU feel respected by your husband?
Again, sometimes yes, sometimes no......this is a hard one to try to put into words......hmm.
I think for me the biggest part of the disrespect I felt was H's language towards me. Namely being called a b****. I HATE THAT WORD! I don't even use that word! There's just something about it that signifies "hate" to me (there's nothing pretty about it, that's for sure ). I kind of felt that H hated me whenever he used it.
I felt he didn't have any respect for my feelings....especially when he would "just kid" about my stomach. There's nothing funny about that, but to H it was. I told him many times just how much it bothered me. He would always say sorry and that he would stop doing it, but he never did. I never had a problem with low self-esteem before. Not until he started doing that kind of stuff. It started about about 3 years ago, and it just got worse after I had S1. H began his EA not even a month after S1 was born, and that's when he really went to work on pointing out all of my flaws. My stomach, my thighs, any little imperfection in or on me.
My H was 130 pounds overweight.....and I never once pointed out anything "bad" about him.....never made HIM feel like s**t. I was always concerned about his weight, but I loved him unconditionally nonetheless.
Too bad he couldn't do the same.
Quote: IF the answer is NO... why is it then that we can still miss our husbands and the friendship we once shared together?
That's very puzzling to me, too.
I still sometimes think about the good times....just to see if there's some kind of good feelings in me left for H....but all I come up with is, "Yeah, those were fun moments....(sigh)....ohhhh well. It's a shame. It really is, and I hope someday H will find the happiness he's looking for."
H has been a brute (emotionally and mentally), but I still hope the best for him. That's just me and how I am. I wish him no ill-will. I only wish him happiness because I don't think he's had it in a long time, and he deserves it just as much as I do or anyone else does, but it's up to him to find it. His happiness is no longer my responsibility....nor mine his.
Thanks, Kim. You are in my thoughts as well .
JV
"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination."
Valerie
"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination." ~ author unknown
). I kind of felt that H hated me whenever he used it.
