Hello again, Jet. I think I know why it's so important to my mother for H and me to reconcile because I felt this way myself -- we believed it would be beneficial for the kids' sake...for their future and well-being...if we stayed together.
My oldest sister T's kids (she has a D18, a S17, and another S15) are dropouts and "flunkies" -- I hate to say that because I was one, too. My sister P has had the same problems with two of her children -- D17 and S14 -- and my sister J had trouble with her S17, but luckily, he seems to be straightening up. All of these kids don't have their fathers around. They go to visit with them from time to time, but their dads weren't in their day-to-day lives.....just like my biological father. I haven't seen or heard from him since I was about 5 or 6 years old.
My mom believes the reason why my nieces and nephews (and myself) have had their problems is due to the fact of not having the father in the picture. It makes sense to me. H and I used to talk about this stuff. He would actually be the one to bring it up. He once said, "You know why they're so messed up, don't you?....It's because their dads aren't around. Look at our kids, look at XXXXX (P's D4), and look at XXXXXXXXX (J's D12). What's the difference between them and the rest of your nieces and nephews?.....They have Mom and Dad TOGETHER, and the others don't. They have stability, and the others don't."
So.....I feel like I'm being told to "stay together for the kids". I love my boys so much......but should I stay with their father for their happiness? For H's happiness because NOW he says he doesn't want to break up the family?
What about MY happiness? What about what's right for ME?
I want my children to be happy and to have a good life. I want them to know and understand the importance of having a good education -- I talk to them about this at least 4 or 5 times every month. Not EVERYDAY like it was done to me (I felt that ='ed pressure). Is this something that's not possible if H and I don't stay together?
In the beginning of this mess, H said he only wanted to stay together for the sake of the boys, and I agreed....but back then, I would've agreed to anything if it meant that H wasn't going to leave me.....but now, I don't feel the same anymore. I want the best for my children, but that's not going to happen if they have a miserable mother, and that is what I'll be if I continue this M to their father.
I've been happy lately. VERY happy. The thought of H being back in this house with me does not make me happy.
(Sigh)...We had our talk. I'll post later about it. Gotta start dinner.
Thanks for listening.
JV
"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination."
Valerie
"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination." ~ author unknown
