I feel rather blank and empty, but also a bit nervous and scared right now because about an hour ago, I heard more words that many DBers long to hear.
H was here to drop off S9 and S6....we talked a bit about his next visitation with the kids....and then he said with a small, sincere smile on his face, "I'm very close to moving back in here."....I was speechless and couldn't even look at H....then he continued on with, "...if you'll let me....and I'm hoping you will...and when I do, I hope I never have to leave again...because I don't want to...I don't want to toy around with the kids' emotions...and I especially don't want to toy around with yours."......All I could say was, "I don't want to mess around with the kids' feelings either." It was quiet for a while. I think he may have been waiting for me to say something, but I had nothing to say. Nothing positive for H, I guess I should say.
I still haven't had "the talk" with him yet. I was planning on doing it this coming Thursday when MIL will have the kids....but why am I feeling so afraid? Is it because I'm afraid of hurting HIS feelings? Or is it just me again being afraid to tell it like it is?
I can tell H is REALLY trying. He even volunteered to come and take the boys to school in the morning for me. That's not necessary, but I could tell he wanted to, and he wanted to do it for me, so I said ok and thanks. He even gave me a hug and a kiss on my forehead before he left. That hasn't happened for a while.
I care about him. I do. A lot. It just won't ever be right. It won't.
JV
"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination."
Last edited by JVJKB; 09/06/0503:23 AM.
Valerie
"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination." ~ author unknown
