Well one thing that Michelle does say is that there are some cases where the marriage should not be continued and physicial abuse certainly is one of those cases. It sounds like you should have been the one to leave and not him and that you should never have even started to try to win him back but it took changes in you to be able to figure that out. Your situation may be the 1 in 100 or 1 in 1,000 where it is simply not healthy to DB. It is more healthy to just get out. I can't make that determination and certainly don't want to force you to defend your position or actions. You dont have to answer to me or anyone else here. I just wanted to bring forth my feelings with regard to the whole DBing process and what it means and be sure that none of us changes it to fit what we want it to be rather than what it really is.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Quote: It sounds like you should have been the one to leave and not him and that you should never have even started to try to win him back but it took changes in you to be able to figure that out.
Ok...I'm glad you put that last part in there because the beginning of that sentence was starting to irk me a little . I'm sorry -- that's just the part of me that feels like I'm being blamed for something.
Yes, it definitely has taken changes in me to be able to see the light. Well....I knew it wasn't right for a very long time, but as I said, I was just too afraid to make the smart move. I always felt I was NEEDING H rather than WANTING him.
Quote: I just wanted to bring forth my feelings with regard to the whole DBing process and what it means and be sure that none of us changes it to fit what we want it to be rather than what it really is.
I hear you, DonH, and let me just say that I am in NO way trying to alter the DBing process. I am not saying, "Hey, everyone! Look at how strong I've become! This is exactly how DBing should be done!" -- NO, NOT AT ALL.
I may not be the "ideal DBer", but what's most important here is that I have finally found my way to MY happiness.
JV
"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination."
Last edited by JVJKB; 08/30/0504:38 PM.
Valerie
"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination." ~ author unknown
So when did you become so damn strong and self-confident!!
Seriously, you have no idea after reading you for months and counting the times that I felt you were absolutely being treated like sh** by H, how great it is to read your recent posts. It is almost as if I can see you smiling confidently as you type because you are so happy with yourself. Really, it does show through LOUD & CLEAR!!
Keep it up JV...you just may become quite the inspiration to many out here.
I have to echo DMF's response to you tonight! You are right, JV... DB'ing may not ALWAYS necessarily be about saving our marriages, but saving ourselves. As I see it now, having my H walk away from my life was a gift to me in the way that it forced me to examine myself to make the necessary changes to make me feel better about who I am as a person. DB'ing is also about improving ourselves through "GAL" and making new discoveries about ourselves.
YOU are the MOST IMPORTANT person in YOUR life, JV! So, IMHO... you need to continue to pay attention to your OWN needs and nurture the "inner JV" that no one else can. Ultimately, no one is responsible for YOU except YOURSELF!
I do believe that it may be uncomfortable for your H to observe the changes that are occuring which he neither controls nor understands. But, as I said last night... I AM SOOOOOOO PROUD OF YOU, JV!!! Keep it up! -KIM
On birthdays, I normally like to pull out the photo albums and look at how much my boys have changed and grown. It's just so amazing.
But in doing this today, I saw the pics of H holding S6 after he was born........it's a little sad feeling. That was the only time he was really the "truly proud Papa"......very sad.....(sigh)
Anyway, H will be returning from Oregon this late afternoon, and he mentioned something about taking S9 and S6 out for a birthday dinner. I hope they have a great time .
Looks like I have a LOT of thinking to do -- meaning....how do I say what I feel to H about this M being over??? Yesterday was the end of the month which means it's time to act on the ultimatum.
YIKES......BIG step coming from me, and I'm feeling nervous (???) about it.
Thanks for listening.
JV
"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination."
Valerie
"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination." ~ author unknown
!
