Ok...maybe I'm way off-base here, but I feel like you're telling me in a nice way that I'm not a "true DBer"...maybe even a quitter.
I know what Michelle's goal is...what her purpose is for having written her books...but in MY case, I have realized that no matter how hard I try and no matter how much I have changed for the better, it's not going to change anything with H. IT'S NOT. He will always be who he is, and I will not put myself in that dysfunctional R ever again.
If he chose to come back home, everything would be fine for awhile....but then something WILL happen to rub him the wrong way again....and I will be back in the same old stinking rut.
If a woman was being physically abused by her H, you wouldn't tell her to "keep on working, read the book, and find your compass again to put back that loving feeling," would you? He** no, you wouldn't!
I have been made to feel like everything that has gone wrong is ALL my fault -- not his. I have been beaten over and over and over again both mentally and emotionally by this man, and I HAVE HAD ENOUGH.
I came here in the hopes of saving my M, and that is what I set out to do, and in the process, it has made me stronger, and it has waken me up. DBing has made me realize just how BAD, just how AWFUL, this R really is.....something I don't think you know about my sitch, DonH, is that my H has a horrible temper and no self-control. He has busted down a bedroom door to get to me when all I needed was some cooling down time to myself. He has punched holes in walls, and I have a really nice fist impression on the side of my new 9-month-old refridgerater. I can't tell you how many phones, vacuum cleaners, and picture frames I've had to replace in the last 5 years.
All it takes is one misstep. Just one to set him off.
H has never laid a hand on me. He has never physically hurt me, but knowing how he's treated me emotionally/mentally, should I still give him another chance?
No. I think H was very lucky to have me even come here and be willing to try.
This is the most personal info I have ever given about my sitch. I guess I've just been quiet and ashamed to really talk about the truth....I suppose this is how a physically-battered W might feel until she regains her own identity and strength to finally be able to move on....and this is what I'm doing now.
I am all for the saving of Ms. I really am....but this one is not right, and I truly believe in my heart and in my mind that it won't ever be right. If H were willing to get some SERIOUS professional help, then ok. Maybe....but he WILL NOT go. He ABSOLUTELY refuses.
And I am being honest with myself. VERY HONEST. You don't have to agree with the way I'm going about my life or my DBing ways. It's ok, you don't. But this is what I'm doing.....because H isn't going to make the necessary changes he needs to for himself or for the R.....and because this is right for ME.
JV
"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination."
Valerie
"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination." ~ author unknown
