I have spent the last 15 years of my life either married and monogomous, or single and celibate...if my husband doesnt come back to me...And as long as I don't remarry or commit again to a monogomous relationship in whatever form, well then I get to kiss whoever I please and won't be breaking any rules.
Looks like we are on the same page funnygirl. There's always a bright side no matter how flippin crappy our sitches get. I dated W for 7 years then been M of 14+ years. There were times when I could have been a low-life and messed around both before and after getting M. But I'm either not wired that way or it would have required too much work. Maybe laziness kept me faithful to W? It sure let her stray away from me. Hmmm, ironic. So now I'm way rusty at the flirting, meeting, introducing myself to women thing. It's new and exciting. I can see how a WAS could get hooked on it.
Did this interaction with these girls make you feel good, I was wondering?
Yes it boosted my confidence but at the time I was so busy trying to not look stupid that I didn't have time to enjoy it. It helped that I had a couple barley pops in me to get me to come out of my shell. One thing I told myself was that it didn't matter if they sneered at me or laughed at me b/c I know thru DBing that what counts is how I see myself inside. They were just two ladies shooting pool. If I bombed at trying to meet them, well...no biggie. But they were nice and I got to practice validating, paying strict attention to them, making the entire convo about them, and a few laughs. A small step toward a huge 180 for me. I just hope my rookie status doesn't show when I try to make the next step.
Hey, be nice to your subconscious! It woke you up so you didn't oversleep.
Once again there is a bright side after all. Although last night my subconscious got carried away and kept me up from 2 to 5 am! I knew I shouldn't have been bragging about my PMA. Shazbot!
Blackfoot has a very interesting perspective on relationships and what entices women
Interesting is the key word there. I think me applying BF's style would be like S6 playing on an NFL team this weekend. But I've only scratched the surface of Blackfoot's posts.
Yesterday W came to town for work and to put in her requisite amount of mom time. First time in town for a week (missed Monday due to snowstorm). She was at the house when I got home from work. I wasn't in the mood to chat and follow her around hoping for a hug. I wasn't rude or ignoring her. She offered to start supper but I didn't feel like relieving any of her motherly guilt so I told her "no thanks" and started supper myself. This all got her a little on edge so she started to try to push my buttons. Said she was leaving about 3 times to only come back into the kitchen where I was. Every time I said, "Okay. Drive carefully" in my nicest voice.
Finally W played the old reliable "cleaning card". Commented on how dusty some furniture was while wiping it off with her sleeve pulled over her hand. I don't know why but the "cleaning card" is very affective on me. I fought it off by saying something about we've been very busy visiting grandma in the hospital for the last week. Not enough time to dust. Oh, W also said she knew of a good cleaning lady. I assume she meant herself but not sure what that implies. I said to leave her # and I'll consider it (in a joking manner). W said she was only joking, so I don't know how successful I was at sounding like I was joking too. She finally left after some talk about whether a pan was hers or mine. (Intense R talk right? Sheesh.)
Maybe 30 minutes later I get a txt msg from W: "Hi there. Sorry about the cleaning lady comment! Just making convo! Sorry!" I replied, "OK? Forget about it."
For much of the remainder of the night I felt like I had backslid a little. But the more I thought about it I felt more like I'm tired of following her around and kissing her arse so she can feel happy that we are in a "Bruce and Demi" type R. Then if OM should F up somewhere down the road, she'll maybe want to spend more time with the kids and come home and suffer with indecisive ThatGuy who's walking on eggshells all the time. The more I look at it the less attractive I look and no wonder things are where they are.
Gotta figure out some good GAL for the weekend. I could call my longtime buddy and hit the town, but it seems so like I'm falling back to an old rut of college days. Not something that would qualify for real GAL. Hmmmm. What else?
Any psychoanalysis from anyone about last night? Any ideas on what I can do to change the dynamic of my sitch? Anybody want to go to the HuHot with me tonight?
Should I send out Christmas cards this year? W always did that job before. What would it look like if I sent out cards to all my friends and family with just three names on them - me, S6, and D9. Some of the people wouldn't know about our sitch or at least I haven't officially told them about it. Who do I send them to? Who do I not send them to?
I just saw Blackfoot has returned after about a 2 or 3 week absence. Why don't you post a synopsis on the SSM board and ask for his thoughts? I can't think of anyone else who could give you better advice on being assertive, confident and understanding the woman's psyche.
I have been discussing this very same issue--the Christmas cards--over on my thread.
I don't have children and my H. isn't living with me right now. There are several people, distant relatives and friends who live far away, who do not know of our situation. Since we are truly in limbo, I wasn't sure what to do, either.
I decided to wait and only send out a card to those who send me/us one. Depending on how it is addressed, that's how I'll fill it out in return. Closer family members will send the cards to just myself, because they know. At least for this year, I think this policy will work best for me.
I think you should do whatever is comfortable for you. If you don't really want to let distant relatives know of your situation yet, then maybe just sign the family name "The Smiths" for example, or if that is too formal, put everyone's name on the card. It has to feel comfortable to you.
Happy Holidays, Hope
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
Blackfoot actually replied briefly to you on my thread. And regarding the postcards, I think I would go ahead and send them with your three names only. You are not being untruthful, you are not doing anything mean or hurtful, just implying the facts. I also think that not doing so is actually playing into her game. You are helping her to keep up the façade. As long as you do this, you keep from putting any pressure on her to change the current sitch.
Read the posts of OG_Lou on the SSM board. I feel he is doing the same thing. He is afraid to really pressure his wife because he is scared of the consequences, even though he emphatically denies this. Also Mrs NOP and her husband NOPkins have some EXCELLENT advice on pushing the spouse out of their comfort zone while getting a life and making yourself attractive. Its tough advice to follow at times, but it has some good points.
