Battling to stay detached. There seems to be an inverse ratio involved here. The harder I try to stay detached and/or increase my detachment, the harder it is to stay detached. This means my detaching is working? Maybe not?
Here is why detaching gets more difficult. W is getting more and more comfortable around me as I detach. She treats me like her brother now. We have a close R but there appears to be no desire on W's part to make the R romantic. I get the impression that she thinks I've accepted the sitch "as is" and that I'm now okay with her A. There is never any R talk at all. She avoids it always. So OM never gets mentioned. I think she makes up lies so as to avoid talking about him. W never brings up the D word either. Is she liking the current sitch so much that she doesn't want to risk disrupting it?
The more I detach the friendlier W gets and the sexier she gets. This makes me want to reach out to her so much. I know if I move toward her she'll run the other way b/c that's what has happened every other time I try that cheeseless tunnel. Will she ever get close enough that she'll want to cross over that romantic line? She avoids most any chance she has to be alone with me or around me for long periods of time. Does she not trust herself to resist my manly charm?
W is driving me crazy with some of her latest changes. She's growing her hair longer. I always wanted her to do that in the past. D9 said the other day that W has bought some thong underwear. She always felt uncomfortable wearing those in the past. These are things she now feels comfortable enough to flaunt in front of me (not the actual thongs but the fact that she's trying them now).
I sometimes worry that I'm DBing too well and that she's glad I'm moving on. Contrary to my external appearance of GAL and confidence that looks like I'm happy with the sitch, I want her to direct some of her great passion towards me.
To sum this whole post up...the more I detach, the more attractive she is, making it more difficult to detach.
