Had a strange weekend. Played single dad the entire time (except for the final couple hours). Tried not to think about what W was doing. Tried to prepare myself mentally for W coming to stay at the house for a day or two since the kids don't have school Mon or Tues. It's much easier to shrug off any negative thoughts these days compared to 6 months ago. Don't know if I'm just getting used to the whole sitch or I'm getting stronger b/c of DBing. Probably each of the above.
It's hard to GAL when you have the kids 24/7. It has been over 2 weeks since both of the kids have been gone at the same time. One or both always have something going on here in town during the weekends so I always have at least one of them. I'm done coaching soccer for the season so I've lost that GAL item. I'm not complaining that I have the kids a lot but it adds to the difficulty of working toward any GAL goals. I don't think it affects my PMA one way or another except when the kids ask about something W said she was going to do. I never know what to say b/c one never knows if the kids misunderstood or W is just blowing them off.
D9 had her first visit to the C today. According to W it was a good visit and D9 is looking forward to the next appointment. W said she didn't pry at all into what D9 told the C. She felt it should be up to D9 to choose what to tell us about any content of her talks with the C. I agree. W and I will be having a couple meetings with the C at a later time to discuss D9. I think W is hoping that D9's C will help D9 accept what W is doing. I don't think D9 is going to accept W's actions, but she will know how to handle her feelings about W better. Those are two completely different outcomes.
Sunday night while drifting off to sleep, I finally consciously admitted to myself, that W is slowly drifting away from me and there is nothing I can do about it. No amount of 180's and other hand waving are going to make her turn around. All I can do is be me. Any 180's I do have to be for me, myself, and I. It is completely up to her to figure out what she is going to do in her life. A far as I'm concerned we are D. The state and/or county just doesn't know it yet.
The imitation niceness will probably continue but I have zero expectations of it ever leading back to a real M. Probably about the time the holiday's start I will finally have the gonads to remove my ring.
This morning I read the following on bigAl's thread from Burgbud...
Quote: When you look at the possible R between W and Om, do you see something good? Do you see a wonderful R that will likely progress into the loving, long-term committed R that you wanted with W? Or do you see two people who aren't quite emotionally healthy reaching out to fill some sort of void? It sucks because their issues have spilled over into your life and caused you trouble that you don't deserve. But it's almost as easy to feel sorry for them as to be angry with them. And once in a while it's possible to say about the WAS, "Go ahead and be unhealthy with somebody else. I need my space to heal so I can become as emotionally healthy as my next parter is going to be."
Yup.
Burgbud, too bad K-State couldn't knock off CU this weekend.
