You are right, time has flown by. Seems like the S just started a couple weeks ago and the bomb was a couple months ago. Now that I think about it - sure doesn't seem like it's been 17 months since I last had sex. Sorry, too much info.
I will probably go into more detail of what all participating parties had to say during "D9 vs. W" in another post.
I have a few spare minutes so here is a list of the highlights from the D9 and W blow up.
D9 said... - she never wants to stay at mom's place again. - she thinks about the sitch every day, all day since she was in 2nd grade. (She's in 4th grade now.) - she's fed up with having OM around every time she stays at mom's place. - mom says she can't move home b/c she doesn't love dad the way a wife should love a husband. - mom lies. - she hates mom. - she loves mom. - mom is never going to change her ways. - whatever dad is doing to get mom back isn't working. - she does not want to see a C.
W said... - there is usually some kind of scrap between W and D9 when the kids stay at her place. - D9 is constantly checking everything W does. D9 assumes every action is geared toward OM. - D9 thinks dad does nothing wrong ever and everything mom does is wrong. W understands why. - D9 won't leave her alone for a second. - D9 blames the whole sitch on W. W understands why. - OM is not around most of the time the kids are at her place. Usually they never see him. - she tells D9 that mom is trying to "fix things". - she can't help the way she feels. - why can't D9 just accept things the way they are? It has been long enough, she should be "over it". - S6 seems to be okay with the sitch, so why can't D9? - she thinks D9 needs to see a C. She told D9 that dad sees a C.
Nice, huh?
Makes me feel a little like SaHDaddy. D9 is confused b/c we are still M but act like we're D. Maybe I should push for the D so the kids can understand why mom and dad don't live like other M parents. D could relieve some of the pressure from W and D9. Probably not. Who knows. That trap is very alluring sometimes.
Before the D9 vs W battle, W was very very friendly. Seemed to really miss doing normal family type things. Giving me long hugs that cracked my spine. Ending text messages with "I luv u all". I was sure it would all stop and she'd pull back after the battle. But it hasn't.
Playing it one day at a time. Not sure what this weekend will be like. Will D9 go to W's place on not? Oh, there is a C in D9's future.
Yup, just hangin' out with the rest of the A victims. Over here it takes longer to slip to page two. If you don't post often on the newcomers forum you end up six pages back.
Trying to make a quick post to sum up the weekend.
It was my birthday on Saturday. Tried to make little of it but D9 and S6 wouldn't let me ignore the day. D9 made surprise brownies and left the bowl for me to lick. Yum. With the help of S6 there were homemade birthday signs posted all over the house. No official gift from W but there were some nice gifts from "the kids".
Never saw W all day but she did call 3 times and wished me a happy b-day every time. More on this later.
Sunday the kids and I went to my mom's for a family gathering. My B and SIL were there and W dropped by too. We all had a nice time.
The original plan was for W to drive back to town and stay at the house since she was coming to town Monday morning anyway. But when it was time to leave my mom's and come back home, W said she thought we would have left earlier and she hadn't packed anything yet, so she desided to stay at her place and drive into town in the morning. I half expected something like that so I acted like it was perfectly okay. Inside I was little disappointed. I said something like, "Oh, that's too bad. I understand. See you in the morning." Then I asked W "what was wrong" b/c she had a concerned look in her eyes. She just re-explained her reasoning for not staying at the house. Minutes later as we were rounding up the kids to leave, I got a neck crunching hug from W. After the kids and I had been homeward bound for a few miles we get a text from W - "I luv u all".
Lately, most every time I talk to W (in person or on the phone) she usually slips in a description of what she has done the night and/or day before. It always involves something free of OM. I'm not sure what to think of this. I believe about 3/4 of what she tells me, but it could all be true. She usually very peppy and up beat when I talk to her. She laughs at all of my dumb jokes and remarks.
If I didn't know better I'd think that she is trying very hard to find some "feelings" for me and "forget" about OM. I very rarely display any feelings toward her other than what friends would show toward each other. Maybe a back rub when she complains of a stiff back, or buying her lunch, or complimenting her latest attempt at a new hairstyle, etc. She is confused by my minimal displays of affection or she just plays dumb by asking if it's okay if she spends the day with kids, or is it okay to stop by the house and eat supper with us.
W seems to cozy up to me only just so much then gets spooked and runs back to her place. Is it still too hard for her to admit that she might want to come back? Is she waiting for me to show a more "positive" sign that I still have feelings for her? I know it must be hard for her to hang around my immediate family. She will not show her face to any other of my relatives. In the past when I felt we were at this same stage, I have tried to initiate some kind of date or outing with just the two of us. This time I'm planning on staying cool and let her take the initiative. Not sure if this is the right thing to do?
W has hinted at least twice that she'd like to see that new exorcism movie. Is this her way of telling me what to do? It's pretty much what her SOP has been since we started dating 20 years ago. Never ask directly. If I know and care enough about her I'll catch the hint and make the move. I quit picking up these hints many years ago, or actually I would see the hint but then shoot it down with some lame excuse. Still not sure what is the right thing to do? Any former WA's out there that could give me a clue?
This time I'm planning on staying cool and let her take the initiative. Not sure if this is the right thing to do?
Absolutely. You're "doing something different" from how you've handled this previously, and you're also "doing more of what works". Now just monitor for results and see how it goes. If you revert to old behavior and you get the same results you have before, you won't have learned anything.
W has hinted at least twice that she'd like to see that new exorcism movie. Is this her way of telling me what to do?
I'm obviously a current LB and not a former WA, but I'd suggest you plan on going to the movie, mention it to her, and possibly invite her along. So it's not a date because you're not asking her out. You're merely asking her along.
Then if the movie sucks and you get stuck watching it by yourself, you can put all the blame on me. Hell, I'm used to it.
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Wow TG, I don't have advice since I'm a screw up myself. But I think all the signs indicate something hopeful. I feel like that about my H in recent weeks, but he recedes into mysterious world. You can't coax more out of them, patience is required. Don't you just want to shake them and make them snap out of it and find some courage for godsake!? My H has also described things he's done where he seems to go out of his way to explain how he was alone or with some other friends. Yet, as of this minute he continues to be with ow. So what kind of picture he is trying to paint with these stories I don't understand either. Hang in there. And good luck. It sounds hopeful!
With the help of S6 there were homemade birthday signs posted all over the house. No official gift from W but there were some nice gifts from "the kids".