Have you thought about finding a counselor for your kids?
I have toyed with dropping my C and taking the kids (or at least D9) to a C. Not really financially feasable to do me and the kids both.
...the counselor said the more they resist, the stronger the message that they have something to process.
I used similar logic on myself to pull the trigger on finding a C for myself.
...kids will begin to internalize the guilt and fault themselves.
As far as I can tell we've been lucky and the kids understand that all this crap has been mom and dad's doing. I do agree that some things should be brought out into the open. I don't dare do this on my own without W around. Won't make that mistake twice. I'm not sure I want to do it with W around either. Maybe a C would be the best method. Although if W and I talk to the kids together maybe some insight into W's feelings could be gained indirectly.
Just not enough time for one of my long winded rambling posts.
The Cats weren't treated very nicely by the Sooners were they? I agree that OU is evil but I reserve the "debbil" label for the UT Longhorns. Hissssssss.
R's are like your teeth...ignore them and they will go away. I'm afraid H senses that to work on the M will require him to take a little emotional inventory on himself. He doesn't really want to do that. Been there.
Well we didn't talk about the R this weekend but I know H was trying. Small steps. Each day I struggle with do I stay or do I leave....part of me says that I had an A and I should leave because I violated the M and the A happened for a reason. Another part is beginning to understand how I got there and D may not be the solution. This site may just save me from making a terrible mistake!
On another note .... Hockey starts this weekend!!! yaaaa
A few post back I had figured out all the forensics that proved W was still as hot and heavy with OM as ever before. Remember the frosty a.m. and dirt covered van? Glad I just DBed and acted as if. I thought for sure that W has been DBing me and was acting as if she thought I was a good friend while she and OM...you know.
Since then I've heard D9 giving W a hard time about all the dirt on the van. D9 probably thinks W got the dirt from driving to OM's place. (D9 is just like me.) Without hesitation W pointed out that she drives out in the country to one of her house cleaning jobs. It does check out with Wednesday's schedule.
Today W and I were chatting about meaningless b.s. when we were commenting on how lots of people in our neighborhood don't park in their garages due to too much junk in them. W pointed out that her garage is empty but she usually parks on the drive b/c her garage door is too difficult to open. No automatic opener. That's why she had frost on her van in the morning. In fact she said she had some ice on her van that one frosty morning b/c her u.g. sprinkers ran that morning. No sprinklers at OM's place.
All of this info came without a single probing snooping question from me. I don't think she was trying to explain away anything that I/we thought was suspicious. So we all know what happens when we a$$ume.
Some other interesting tidbits to journal...
W and I worked all Saturday afternoon with D9 on her prairie diorama. Everyone got along swimmingly. W gave me a powerful hug when she left. All that house cleaning has really improved her upper body strength.
Sunday W was in a silly mood and made a few jokes toward me the had some sexual innuendo in them. This after I had made some similar jokes the previous day. It has been years since either of us has done that.
Sunday evening the four of us went out to eat (sit down non-fast food restaurant). It was pleasant cheerful and fun. When the check came...W insisted she was buying. At first I said I would cover it but my little DB voice inside said to relinquish control and let her pay for supper. It was weird at first but nice.
I got another nearly as powerful hug Sunday night when she left again.
I was encouraged by W's actions over the weekend but at the same time I felt depressed when she'd leave. Trying to stay neutral about the whole weekend. No expectations. Need to find some new GAL activities b/c the kid's soccer ends this weekend. No more reasons for W to hang in town on weekends anymore.
Oh, and the Huskers squeeked another one out again. That helped my PMA a little too. D9 has desided that she likes Zac Taylor - "He's so cute." Oh boy.
I woke up this morning "and got myself a beer" (not really ) feeling a little weird, obviously. Had a strange dream involving my SIL. After awakening I was overcome with the "assuptions". Over analyzing things W had said to me last weekend. Was feeling pretty down.
Once I got up and directed my goofy thinking toward silly and creative ways to get S6 and D9 out of bed and started on their day, my PMA started to come back. It also helps that I have an important project at work. It's a huge change to our product that all the customers will love and will be the centerpiece to our next release. So I feel like I have purpose at work these days.
Trying to not be too concerned that Larry the Cabel Guy is in town tonight. If you recall - I had purchased tix to this event for W and I. Later in a bit of a passive aggressive angry backslide I told W to take someone she'd have a good time with, and gave her the tix. That's the last I've heard about Larry the Cabel Guy.
The kids and I are going to the NU vs. Baylor soccer game tonight. D9 is thrilled. W was sick yesterday so she might be in town today to do some work she missed due to her illness. I am debating whether I should even offer to have W come to the game with us if she's in town. She'll either be going to see LTCG or will just excuse herself and drive back home b/c she still doesn't feel well.
Thank you bigAl for your post on BB's thread about dating. I have had thoughts similar to BB's bouncing around in my head for a few weeks. Al put it out there the way I needed to hear it and deep down I've known the right answer all along. I may post something more about this dating stuff later, or I may just drop it.
The kids and I are going to the NU vs. Baylor soccer game tonight. D9 is thrilled.
Man! I must be losing it. I finally looked closer and saw that the soccer game we were going to was at Baylor (Waco, TX)! Didn't have enough time to make the 8 hour trip so we made different plans for Fri night. It worked out okay because D9 got invited to a sleepover which was just as fun for her. S6 got invited to a hockey game which was more fun for him too. I took advantage of the kids being gone and I got caught up on some work at the office.
I was feeling pretty good too because earlier in the day while talking on the phone to W, I had mentioned the soccer game (before I realized it was an away game). She sounded very bummed that she wouldn't be able to go. Told me to let her know in advance when the next game would be. Later when I talked via phone to W about the whole soccer snafu and the new plans for the kids that evening, W sounded like she really missed being around the kids and maybe even me.
The next morning we all went to D9's last soccer game of the season. I'm the coach and D9 had an attitude during the game b/c of lack of sleep from her sleepover, so I had to DB her during the game a little. She's too competitive like her father.
After the game the team met at McDonalds and I handed out some soccer medals that I had made for all the team members. The parents thanked me for coaching by giving me a ciftcard to a local sporting goods store. Very nice of them. Everyone was feeling great when we got home. I even noticed that W had her black ring on again. I made a mental note to look the next day for it. I wondered if she had it on because she was missing the family and might be leaning our way, or was it because she knew we'd be in a big group of families and she wears it as a kind of disguise. I suspected it was the latter b/c of the other times that she's worn it have involved going to the school open house and such where lots of other families are around. The psychology behind it all is sort of interesting.
So we were this normal happy family and W took off for her place with the kids. They were coming back to town the next day for S6's final soccer game. It didn't bother me at all since I had invited some friends to come over to watch the NU vs. TTech football game. Had fun even though the Huskers lost. It felt like a win since they were competitive.
Early in the evening W called my cell. She was crying. She was very upset and at her wits end b/c she and D9 had been fighting. A few post ago I commented that I felt D9 was bottling up her anger toward W. D9 gets a little weird when she's sleep deprived. This led to an explosion of anger from D9. I could hardly comprehend what W was telling me and I could hear D9 shouting in the background. What a mess. I took turns validating both W and D9 as they traded off talking to me on the phone. I eventually made a rule that while one was on the phone the other had to be quiet and stop defending themselves or correcting what the other one was saying. This went on over a couple of different phone calls. Everything would quiet down to only flare up again in an hour or two.
I will probably go into more detail of what all participating parties had to say during "D9 vs. W" in another post. In brief I think that I'm done seeing my C so we can afford to send D9 to a C.
I felt numb Sunday morning and sat around the house acting shell shocked. When W and the kids arrived to go to S6's game everyone acted like all was fine and dandy. Enjoyed S6's game and went out to eat with my mom, B and SIL. W sat on the far end of the table and chatted with my mom and D9. I chatted with B and SIL, and policed S6. When we got home the four of us watched a movie and went to bed.
W slept on the couch b/c she had work in town this morning. BTW she wore no rings on Sunday.
That's it for now. One more weekend out of the way.
I even noticed that W had her black ring on again.
When ever my WAW appears in a "family situation" like parent teacher meetings, etc. she wears her Mother's ring that I gave to her, instead of her wedding & engagement rings. I agree with your disguise theory.
One more weekend out of the way. I share your feeling about that. WAW & I have been physically separated for a year and even tho' it's been a wild roller coaster ride, time has passed surprisingly quickly. Do you also find that to be true?
