I'm much better today after a bowl of uncooked brownie batter last night followed by a good night of sleep.
Quote: I'm tired of being in limbo. I don't see any reason to be optimistic about the possibility of a reconciliation but we're getting along so well I feel like I might be shortchanging things if I'm pessimistic. A lot of the time I just wish I could pick which way to feel; either choice is better than no choice. But that isn't the way it works.
Burgbud is so much more eloquent than me so I stole this quote from him b/c it hit home to how I've been feeling lately. Thanks BB.
Here is what spooks me about any possible adjustments to how and when W communicates with the kids. If she had it her way, the kids would live with her and go to school near her and I'd be the one to only get to see them on weekends. I'm afraid that she'd see my refusal to make it as easy as possible for her to talk to the kids as another reason (and maybe the final reason) to move the kids.
This all stems from this summer when I dug in my heels and refused to pay for her apartment (5 minutes from our house) b/c we couldn't go any deeper into debt and it looked to me like OM spent more time there than the kids ever did. So she moved an hour away (5 minutes from OM) where she found "affordable" housing. If I make waves again I fear she'll react in a similar manner.
You are partially right Cobra, that I do feel empowered by being responsible for her happiness when I keep W, D9 and S6 in contact with each other. I never thought about it that way. Also respect is a biggie in my book. That may be the #1 thing that I've been fighting to get back since the bomb. DBing has greatly helped in that category. I am willing to let W go if it will ultimately make her happy. But when it comes to letting the kids go (even a tiny bit), it's something I find nearly impossible to even consider. I don't fear losing control of W anymore. It's the kids that I fear losing now.
A few proper boundaries are needed though. I plan to slowly put some in place. Keyword: slowly. That's where I've goofed before by being too brash and sudden with my attempts to implement some boundaries, thus making me look controlling.
