Cobra, you remind me of my high school football coach. Just when I think I've got stuff figured out and I start to coast, you seemingly come out of nowhere and push me to work harder and to improve.
Remember that your wife feels you have a history of controlling and not acknowledging her.
Just when I've successfully stashed that little tidbit of painful fact deep down where it doesn't hurt me to think about it...you bring it out into the light of day again. Thankfully before I've reinforced those feelings in W. That was close.
...how can confronting her in this manner help you or her?
I have had several chances to "confront" W over the past few days but something deep down kept me from doing it. It just didn't feel right. It no longer was fear of what I might hear that kept me from doing it, it was DB intuition that stopped me. I try to use my feelings as a reverse barometer. I do the opposite of what my feelings are telling me to do. This is probably a complicated way of saying "do a 180".
My brain is battling with my heart. My brain knows that "confronting" will probably get me nowhere which is why I posted my questions here. To buy time. To get an outside perspective.
Why am I so damn wishy-washy? Just when I'm thinking I don't need this BB much anymore I find out that I'll be stuck here for quite awhile.
What is the reward to returning to you and what is the punishment for not doing so? If she is confused, help her make the decision. I am not sure she can do that yet.
No she can't. To W, other than a better financial sitch and easier logistics, she probably doesn't think she'd be any better off coming back.
When she warms up to me and she acts like we are really good friends (the last week or so), I wonder if she is testing the waters to see how she feels about returning. This time I have let go of more resentment than before and really played it like OM is not in the picture. More flirty and open. Less eggshells. This is the time to listen to my heart.
I'm more sure than ever that a confrontation right now would be a pretty stupid move. Patience and diligence is good.
Thankfully before I've reinforced those feelings in W. That was close. 
