My first impression on reading your latest post was a possible problem with perspective. You lay out your thoughts in a very logical manner. Your arguments make sense and sound rational. I suspect you lay out the same case to the counselor. So it should not be any wonder that the recommendation reflects what you would want to do. The picture you painted is one-sided, no matter how objective you tried to be. Be VERY careful with these counselors. They sometimes do not know their limits. One-on-one counseling is only good for working through YOUR issues. Any conclusion about what your wife needs to do can only be made after she has had the opportunity to present her case. I think that to do otherwise is to invite disaster.
Remember that your wife feels you have a history of controlling and not acknowledging her. She is obviously still confused and does not know what she wants, so how can confronting her in this manner help you or her? And what kind of decision do you expect her to make? Where is her pain versus gain? What incentive does she have to change the status quo? In some ways does she not have the best of all worlds? She gets to see her kids and be with another man. What is the reward to returning to you and what is the punishment for not doing so?
I don’t think you need to be walking on eggshells, but you need to be sure to remove any excuses she has for not coming back to you. If you have not been working on your issues with your counselor, then he/she has done you a disservice. My guess is that your wife would want to talk about the relationship, but you need to lay the groundwork so she can arrive at an indisputable decision. If she is confused, help her make the decision. I am not sure she can do that yet.
So I would throw all this back at your counselor and ask him/her to work a little harder for what you pay. I suspect your conversations have focused on the relationship and you have become too caught up in the trees. Reset the perspective and back up and see the forest.
