This weekend got more and more weird. On Monday the weirdness peaked. I'll try to explain how I felt and why it was weird.

For some reason I regressed and felt anger toward W more and more from about Friday on. I'm not sure why. Maybe it was b/c there wasn't much GAL planned for the weekend. W also had the kids over the weekend. I saw them often though b/c they had soccer games on Sat and Sun. W took the kids to see BIL and OM race their car so it looks like nothing has changed from the way things were at the start of the S. I tried to thought stop but it would only work a short time and something else would trigger more of those old anxious thoughts from way back last fall.


I hate acting "as if" around people that have heard about the A through gossip. I'm sick of acting like everything is normal around aquaintances, friends, and neighbors. I'm embarrassed for my family (brother and mother) when they are with W, the kids, and I, and we see people that know about the A. My mother still lives in that same small town W and I grew up in and the whole town knows. Mom still goes around with her head held high. Does everyone in that town wonder why her son puts up with his wife while she messes around with another man? What all those people think should not be something that I worry about but it does get to me sometimes.

The above is just a sample of why I feel that my anger toward W has reared it ugly head. I tried to hide my anger from W all weekend but she sensed it and it affected her attitude. Monday morning she was very short with me and the kids when she arrived at the house to take the kids to school. W even let loose with a short rant about hating the current sitch where she has to drive 70 miles to work and take the kids to school. (Gee, who's fault is that?) She threw in something about how she has no choice in the matter so she has to just deal with it. I'm not sure if she meant:
1. I (along with the kids IMO) won't allow the kids to move to W's place.
2. Finances dictate that she live where she does.
3. She can't help that she loves OM and to be happy she will be with him.
4. Some or all of the above.

By Monday afternoon W and I had cooled down and we were right back to being polite friendly parents. She even gave me a hug before she left to go back home after work. Because I am frustrated, impatient, and lonely, I wonder if I can continue with the polite friendly parent method. I've only been doing it for 2 months but I want to check W's temperature to see if any progress is being made.

I wish I knew if what I'm doing right now is a dead end that will get me nowhere, or is it an endless road that will result in our R staying just like it is right now.


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