Found a new motivation to talk with W. Part of me wants to go dark (pouting impatient part of me), but talking with someone close is something that W missed in our R and found with OM. Don't know if I mentioned this before (maybe in a previous thread), W uses a cell phone that OM gave her. I think much of the motivation was to prevent me from knowing when and how much they talk to each other. I used to snoop a lot on the cell bill but I stopped that about the time of the S. They didn't believe that I didn't care a rat's a$$ how much they talked anymore so he went ahead and got her the phone. They used to text all the time too and they can do it for free on his phones since it cost extra on ours.
Anyways...it occured to me that the roles have reversed. OM can now see how often W and I talk on the phone. I know from multiple sources that OM was once very sure of the fact that he and W would M eventually. I'm pretty sure that it's got to bug him that W still talks daily to me. Sometimes for more than an hour at a time. Heh heh heh.
Now that I think about it some more...I should call her from my desk phone and use as many of his minutes up as possible. It's completely free when we talk using our cell phones. Damn! Why didn't I think of this sooner.
Just venting a little of my rowdiness folks. I don't think I'm over obsessing on OM again. If I am, well, I'm aware of it and will quickly get back on the right track.
This weekend got more and more weird. On Monday the weirdness peaked. I'll try to explain how I felt and why it was weird.
For some reason I regressed and felt anger toward W more and more from about Friday on. I'm not sure why. Maybe it was b/c there wasn't much GAL planned for the weekend. W also had the kids over the weekend. I saw them often though b/c they had soccer games on Sat and Sun. W took the kids to see BIL and OM race their car so it looks like nothing has changed from the way things were at the start of the S. I tried to thought stop but it would only work a short time and something else would trigger more of those old anxious thoughts from way back last fall.
I hate acting "as if" around people that have heard about the A through gossip. I'm sick of acting like everything is normal around aquaintances, friends, and neighbors. I'm embarrassed for my family (brother and mother) when they are with W, the kids, and I, and we see people that know about the A. My mother still lives in that same small town W and I grew up in and the whole town knows. Mom still goes around with her head held high. Does everyone in that town wonder why her son puts up with his wife while she messes around with another man? What all those people think should not be something that I worry about but it does get to me sometimes.
The above is just a sample of why I feel that my anger toward W has reared it ugly head. I tried to hide my anger from W all weekend but she sensed it and it affected her attitude. Monday morning she was very short with me and the kids when she arrived at the house to take the kids to school. W even let loose with a short rant about hating the current sitch where she has to drive 70 miles to work and take the kids to school. (Gee, who's fault is that?) She threw in something about how she has no choice in the matter so she has to just deal with it. I'm not sure if she meant: 1. I (along with the kids IMO) won't allow the kids to move to W's place. 2. Finances dictate that she live where she does. 3. She can't help that she loves OM and to be happy she will be with him. 4. Some or all of the above.
By Monday afternoon W and I had cooled down and we were right back to being polite friendly parents. She even gave me a hug before she left to go back home after work. Because I am frustrated, impatient, and lonely, I wonder if I can continue with the polite friendly parent method. I've only been doing it for 2 months but I want to check W's temperature to see if any progress is being made.
I wish I knew if what I'm doing right now is a dead end that will get me nowhere, or is it an endless road that will result in our R staying just like it is right now.
Thanks for stopping by BBud and SahD. Your sitches are much more intense than mine and when I read your thread I feel like I don't have it that bad after all. Know what I mean? I sometimes wonder, what if I knew about DBing back when my sitch was only a couple months old like some of you? What if I could DB like BBud, SahD, RNC, OSB, WAWF, Al, DER, et al when the A was barely a year old. Now that the EA is more than 2 years old and the PA will soon be 2 years old, it's much tougher to break though W's heavily fortified wall, b/c most of what I did before DBing only pushed W toward OM.
Anyway...thanks everyone for stopping by. Your threads are great inspirations and I follow them closely even if I don't post much.
I've been reading on a couple threads about dreams and nightmares. Some of my recent backsliding into anger and resentment has been the result of or maybe the cause of some weird dreams that I've had. I don't want to go into any synchronistic Jungian theories about the meaning of dreams, but I would like to know what kind of dreams other people have about their sitches?
I can't remember many details of my dreams but I wake up with a feeling of dread because of the subject matter of my dreams. The only dream I can vividly remember was about 6 months ago when I dreamed that W told me she was pregnant with OM's baby. I sat straight up in bed and was wide awake from that one.
I don't want to go into any synchronistic Jungian theories about the meaning of dreams
That's good, because psychiatrists basically discount the analysis of dreams nowadays. Basically, whatever you dream about, you're dreaming about yourself, not other people.
when I dreamed that W told me she was pregnant with OM's baby. I sat straight up in bed and was wide awake from that one.
And one day soon you'll have a WAS dream and you'll wake up and say, "Oh... I'm relieved it was only a dream!" and smile and go back to a peaceful sleep.
LOL! Ahhhh...back to the important part of the world. Zac is way better than Dailey. Dailey would have thrown about 6 interceptions by now and the Shuckers would have lost to Pitt for sure. Zac doesn't help the offense very often but he never hurts the offense. Big improvement over his pedecessor in that way.
Thanks for the distraction BBud. DBing not only helps with the WAS, it also comes in handy when dealing with distraught Husker fans.
Ah NY, how could I have forgotten to list you as one of my DB idols?
BTW, I can't wait to see your acceptance speech on a future Tony awards show. Or will you be one of those that is too busy to go to the show so Liza Minnelli will have to accept it in your honor.
Last Friday I met with my C. She and I both agree that I'm in a seemingly endless limbo land with W. C pointed out that W and I treat each other like we are already D. A week or so ago I had laid my cards on the table and told W where I am in the R. That I now know I can live my life on my own and can be a happy single dad, but still would like to try to work to create a happy M. C is bothered by the fact that W hasn't reciprocated and told me anything about her current place in the R. So C suggested that I have a serious nonpressuring talk with W and to ask her to share how she looks at our current R.
Back when I laid down my cards I felt that W wanted me to ask her to do the same. I wimped out and couldn't ask b/c I felt that I wouldn't like what I would hear. Now I don't know what I would hear anymore. If I was betting the farm I'd say she wants to explore life more with OM. Her current behavoir though, says she's still confused and doesn't want to lose me, or maybe she's even leaning toward my side of the fence. (Wishful thinking??) We've been at this stage a dozen times over the past few months so it's nothing new and never led to a better R.
Would asking W to come clean and evaluate her current position, in a matter of fact way that kept out emotions and pressure, be bad DBing? It most likely will be interpreted as pursuit or pressure, but I'm tired of being the dog whisperer and trying to decipher every unspoken signal that she sends. It's been months since any kind of temperature check by me. Maybe by asking/communicating I'll have a better understanding of where to go next. Does W want me to pursue or back off or stay the coarse? Talking about it would be a 180 for us. If you can't tell...I want to talk about the R with her.
