Been seeing W off and on over the past few days. Had many phone calls with her too. Nothing earth shattering but so far no backsliding. Just talking to her like a friend, always offering to help or listen when appropriate.
It is hard to come up with something to talk about sometimes. The subject of the kids can only go so far. We don't have much in common anymore that we can talk about. Most everything we did have in common has been eliminated because of the A. Things we used to do she either does with OM now, or she's too "uncomfortable" doing it with me.
Today W was in a bad mood when I saw her at lunch. I acted as if and let her pout and leave b/c I knew it had something to do with D9. D9 was with us and I didn't want to get into whatever was bothering W in front of D9. So after lunch I called and asked W what was bothering her. She vented a little and I validated. This time it was D9 not appreciating something W had done for her. Guilt is W's biggest problem right now. She feels like she's bending over backwards to accomodate everyone b/c she feels guilty every minute of every day. W said that she could change things so that she's not so impositioned but her guilt prevents her from doing that. Not sure what she meant by this. If we had more time I would have dug deeper. I guess now I have something to talk to W about later.
The other day I saw that Larry the Cable Guy will be in town in October. W likes Larry's comedy very much. I asked her if she'd like to go with me. First she gave me a look and she started to say, "You don't like..." but she paused, then I got a non-enthusiastic "I don't care." So I bought the tickets. Not sure how smart that move was.
Maybe this can give us something to talk about. I've also been toying with asking W to go to a movie. She's commented that she hasn't been to a movie for months. I think the last movie she went to that wasn't a kid movie was with me back in October (The Grudge). OM is pretty ignorant when it comes to movies so this is a niche I can work in. She likes thrillers and horror flicks so I might get a sitter and take her to "Red-Eye". This can also give us something to chat about.
Is this a good idea or am I starting to pursue too much? I get the feeling that I should periodically show W some interest in dating. This may be a reaction by me to some of the feelings I get now and then around W. When W and I are together I catch myself thinking that I could easily live my life without W. That desperate abandoned feeling is no longer there. I'd love to reconcile but my life would continue on nicely without W. I guess this is probably detachment and sort of scares me. So to compensate for not desperately wanting W, I come up with ideas for dates to rekindle the flame inside of me. This is a weird place I've found myself in lately.
